Hey...that's some good acting ability right there!

MMMMMmmmmm…ary Steenburgen.  That’s right!  Looks like in time travel month, the MILFs are holding their own!  Mary Steenburgen gets a double bill, however, for starring in my personal favorite time travel film…but, she was also in Back to the Future III.  If that’s not enough, she looks like she actually time travels.  How else can you explain her looking that damn good and being 56 years old?

When I was but a pup, my mother took me to see Time After Time.  I won’t go into the film too much as it’s going to be reviewed this week, but man, was she gorgeous in it!   There’s something about that weird little southern accent mashup voice of hers, and she was so fresh faced in this movie.  Granted she got plenty of help from her costar and future husband Malcolm McDowell, not to mention holding her own against a truly creepy performance by David Warner.  This movie’s so good that a sequence from it was referenced in Wonderfalls, one of my favorite shows.  Take the time to find this one…you won’t be disappointed.

Uh...Damn! That's really all I have to say about it.

Then, she goes time travelling again in Back to the Future III, as Clara…the love interest for Doc Brown.  She played a hot ass school teacher.  I can’t watch this film without a certain song by Van Halen running through my head.  While it may not be the best part of the trilogy, this movie is certainly worth seeing, as is her performance in it.  She seemed to have genuine affection for Christopher Lloyd, and that always helps, I suppose.  It’s not every woman out there who can say they’ve shared a kiss with Mr. Lloyd onscreen and it not look completely weird.

Not certain what's going on here, but if she's selling that house, I'll take it!

In two more modern films, I really liked her understanding mom character in Elf.  It really isn’t every woman, who, upon finding out that her husband had a child decades ago, would be that cool about it.  Ms. Steenburgen makes it work, however.  And, against my better judgment, I watched The Proposal, and there she was again, looking just as fine as ever!   There was something different about that part, though.  She actually reminded me of my mother.  I think you’ll find that almost every part where she’s someone’s mom, she plays really well.  Doesn’t stop her, in my mind, from being very MILFesque.  (Except when she actually reminds me of my mother, and then it’s just wrong.)

So, Hot Nerd Crush #6 is the time travelling hottie and motherplayer extraordinaire Mary Steenburgen.  I find that if I’m watching a movie and she turns up, I think that the movie is going to be just a bit better than if she weren’t there.  Seriously.  (Also, young Mary Steenburgen reminds me of a friend of mine…the equally hot @sleekimage ((Twitter names only…please!)) May @sleekimage age as well as Ms. Steenburgen!)

That's a big set of...dress! That's what I was going to say!

Ooooh yeah!  It’s about high time I had some class round here!  No, I’m kidding.  All the Hot Nerd Crushes are classy ladies, but, this one, well, she just seems to be a cut above.  She’s been a Bond girl, the object of a time traveller’s affections, the paramour of the Phantom of the Opera, and a foulmouthed politico’s wife!  Not to mention a medicine woman!  Hell, she was even in the original Battlestar Galactica!  So, here’s to Jane Seymour, the best woman to turn up in Playboy without actually taking anything off. (DAMN IT!)

When I mentioned that Jane Seymour was going to be Hot Nerd Crush #5 to ThatCostumeGirl, I also mentioned that she was a Bond Girl.  In the same breath, I also mentioned that Grace Jones was a Bond Girl, but, as a solemn promise to my six readers out there (Hi Dad!), Grace Jones will never, ever be a Hot Nerd Crush.  ThatCostumeGirl’s response was “Yeah, but it was just Solitaire.”  She does have a point, mind you.  There’s nothing so troubling as a psychic who’s only good at what she does so long as she’s a virgin.  Then you throw her up against James Fucking Bond?  I’m sorry…have you not seen his other movies?  Surviving all that, of course, Jane looks great in Live and Let Die.

Yeah...I'd time travel for that right there.

She was also in the penultimate chick flick that every man loves, Somewhere in Time.  Is it me, or did she never look better?  The portrait of her that causes Christopher Reeve to journey through time to find her is one of the single most beautiful movie props of all time!  Now, Elise McKenna is someone I would learn to travel through time for!

And, for me, she demonstrated fantastic comedic timing in Wedding Crashers.  Who can look at her now and not think two things:  “Kitty Cat“, and motorboating?  I was never more jealous of Owen Wilson in my life!  I also never wanted to be an old sailor more!

Ooh...Jane in...ahem...Bondage. HA!

Of course, most people know her from Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, but, for me, she was a bit too moral and upstanding for me to really, really objectify her.  Okay, I don’t objectify her…that’s lie, of course I do.  She’s f’n gorgeous!  But, that was just too much goody two shoes for me to swallow.  Now, when I was but a lad, she played a set of twins in the ABC made for TV movie, Dark Mirror!  What’s better than one Jane Seymour?  Two Jane Seymours, that’s what!  And, I remember her applying lipstick at the end of that movie in a truly batshit crazy kind of way, yeah, memorable performance there.

Take her or leave her (I’ll take her, please) Hot Nerd Crush #5:  Jane Seymour.  Here’s hoping I never see you on Smallville ever again! (You’re too good for it, really!)

Yeah, I had something witty to say...but I forgot. Just keep looking at her.

We’re going to try a new format with this weekly spot here on ManWithPez.  Mostly because it takes so damn long to write out what is essentially a report on hot men and women.  So, we’re going straight to the heart of the matter instead of covering so much of their life that you can find here and there and concentrate more on why I think they’re hot.  So, with further adieu, here’s Hot Nerd Crush #3:  Tricia Helfer!

Well, I don’t have to say a whole lot, do I.  I mean, look at her.  She’s a former world famous model that discovered she had more to offer us, the nerd populace at large, than her excellent lingerie photos.  (And, I’m not just talking about her Playboy layout ((thankfully, nude)) in Feb of 07) She’s one of the rarest things you’ll ever find in the entertainment world…she’s a model who can actually act. 

Yeah...forgot again. Whew.

What makes her hot nerdbait is the things she chooses to act in.  If you’ve even come here in the first place, you must have seen this woman as the Cylon 6 on Battlestar Galactica.  So far as hot robots go, she beats the hell out of those fembots from Austin Powers.  You’ve probably seen her as Carla on Burn Notice, or as a new handler in the second season of Chuck, or in an episode of Supernatural.  Perhaps you heard her as Boodikka in The Green Lantern:  First Flight straight to DVD movie, or as Black Cat on The Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon, or that Web of Shadows video game?  See what I mean.  For the dork in all of us, it’s kind of hard to avoid Tricia Helfer.  (Really hard to avoid if you’re a Halo fan, since she’s appearing in ODST as well…)

Not that you should ever want to.

Now I remember! Tricia Helfer is hot. That is all.

For me, she’ll always hold a special place for her amazing portrayal of 6 in my favorite episode of Battlestar Galactica, Downloaded.  She shows us, in this episode that not only do Cylons really have the capacity to love, they’re a little frakkin’ crazy to boot. 

So, Hot Nerd Crush #3, Tricia Helfer.  You shouldn’t have to look around too hard to find her…you frakkin’ nerd!

This must be what Heaven looks like (according to the last episode).

Presenting your Maxim November covergirls Tricia Helfer and Grace Park!   Dear God, that’s a lotta hot to put on the cover of one magazine!  Seriously! 

True, it’s to promote the upcoming The Plan movie, directed by craggy-ass Edward James Olmos (Okay, that’s not true.  I met the guy, and he was sweet as hell.) The Plan was written by veteran Battlestar writer and former Buffy scribe Jane Espenson.  Pity these pictures are not just for me (ALL FOR MANWITHPEZ!!! NONE FOR YOU!!!) but that’s okay.  I guess you guys can look too.  If you look around (pssst…here), you can find other pictures of the dynamic quatro. (What?  Last I looked there were four boobies at play here!)  If you look around on the Maxim website, you’ll find video of the shoot, with Tricia Helfer doing what she does best…turning me on.  And Grace Park…What can I say about Grace Park.  Well, nothing that doesn’t involve a lot of filthy sexual euphemisms. 

But remember the advice Battlestar’s Dr. Baltar, James Callis gave me:  Beware of Cylon Blondes.  That’s why I’m going for the brunette!  Thanks, James Callis!

(Oh, and I’m aware of the Phasers reference on the cover…don’t worry, there’s a retraction right under that statement.  Whew, for a second there, I was afraid I just wouldn’t be able to look at the pictures!)

Somedays, like the day I found this picture...life is pretty good!

After looking over some of the posts that I used to start ManWithPez, I noticed that there was one ingredient missing, and that was the love, baby.  You can’t forget the loooove! (Yeah, I know it’d sound better coming from Barry White, but I can’t supply that.  Read this article out loud in your best White impression.  Barry, not Betty)  So, in what I’m hoping will be a regular article here, I’m going recognize a lady that most other nerds agree they want to nail…Did I say “want to nail”?  I meant to say that.  But, in the spirit of remaining a civilized man, we’re going to say “Find attractive” instead.

We’re going to start with one of the best, Alyson Hannigan.  Sure, she’s married (Damn your eyes, Alexis Denisoff!!!), has a child (Oh man!  He married her and he’s sleeping with her?  Who do you think you are, man?!) and is now a sitcom star instead of acting in what I’d like to affectionately call “Nerdbait”.  For example, the first thing I remember seeing her in was her second acting gig, My Stepmother is an Alien released in 1988.  Odder still, in this one, she was costarring with her soon to be Buffy boyfriend, Seth Green. We’ll get to credits in a second.

Alyson Hannigan was born in March of 1974 in Washington DC.  What do you know?  They CAN make awesome things in DC besides laws and controversy!  She moved to Atlanta after her parents divorce at the age of 2, and ended up graduating from North Hollywood High.  Yeah, we’re skipping a lot.  So, let’s just get to it.  Why is she on this list?  You ever heard of Buffy The Vampire Slayer?  Okay, this one time, at band camp…heh…sorry. Buffy The Vampire Slayer debuts in 1997, suddenly giving a name to “that girl that you’ve seen in all those things” (I think this was Hannigan’s legal name until Buffy gave her her real name back.  I could be mistaken).  Well, after Buffy, no one forgot her name.  However, during Buffy, up to a point, she was just a shy girl with a crush on Xander who refused to speak up.  Then came American Pie(1999) and American Pie 2(2001).  Granted, unlike her costar Shannon Elizabeth, Alyson didn’t whip off her clothes, but I suspect that if you ask someone after seeing the movie which character they remember, Hannigan’s foulmouthed sexual tutor Michelle will be the big answer.  There was something about this cute, socially awkward, motormouthed floutist and the way she said the word “Pussy”.

After that, things got interesting over on Buffy!  Willow (Hannigan’s character on the show) discovered that she had a magical ability.  In short order, she goes from being the quiet computer tutor on the show to being one of the most powerful characters in the Buffy universe.  She also got better clothes, and she jettisoned her werewolf boyfriend Oz (Seth Green) for an upgrade to Tara (Amber Benson).  I’m not suggesting that making the character a lesbian made her more attractive to men, because I always thought she was attractive.  Then again, I’m not every man, so, draw your own conclusions.  Along the way, she stopped to marry one of her cast members.  The aformentioned Alexis Denisoff (who played botched Watcher Wesley Wyndham-Pryce on Buffy, at once fostering hate of himself and inspiring geeks everywhere.  “If he can do it…you know…with someone like her…maybe I can…” You know, that sort of thing.) 

From Buffy, Alyson went on to several smaller projects.  I’m not certain I’d call Date Movie (2006) a “smaller project”, or even a “project”, but she was funny in it.  She also starred in a stage production of When Harry Met Sally in London with Luke Perry, where, unfortunately, she kept her clothes on…again!   In 2005 she began acting as “Lily Aldrin” in the excellent How I Met Your Mother, where she still works today.  She’s still fostering hope for geeks, as her husband on the show, Marshall Eriksen is one of popular media’s biggest dorks!  As to why she’s on the list…well, did you look at the picture above?  She’s gorgeous, she’s a great actress who’s as funny as she is hot.  But, mostly, I just wanted a reason to post a picture of Alyson Hannigan.

So, there’s a look at Hot Nerd Crush #1.  This will be ongoing, and there’s lot’s of women out there, and I have a lot of free time on my hands.  So, until next week, this is ManWithPez signing off with absolutely no dirty thoughts in his head about witches, or foul mouthed floutists, or beer swilling schoolteachers.  Nope, none at all. (Seriously…can I get Doctor Bombay or someone in here to get Alyson Hannigan out of my head, please?)