That's who's watching me when I'm sleeping or awake? Holy shit! (Picture from Perzo at Deviantart)

Why not Jolly Old St. Nick?  I don’t know about you, but he brought me an awful lot of geek presents in my formative years, pretty much guaranteeing the nerd I would grow into.  Thanks, Santa!  Since Chuck Norris is bent on ridding the world of geeks, why not pit him against someone who seemingly creates them from childhood?  Santa Claus vs. Chuck Norris after the jump.

1.  An icon known for his lush beard?  Sorry Chuck, but Santa’s had that on lock for centuries.

2.  That bag that Santa carries around?  While most people think it’s full of presents, it’s a perfect vehicle for moving bodies of victims around without detection.

3.  Santa and Chuck Norris fought once before.  Chuck’s body was found floating in the Arctic Circle, reindeer tracks on his back and a candy cane shoved in his ass.

4.  Santa is the only one with balls big enough to fly into whatever international “No Fly” zone that he damn well feels like.

5.  Santa can fly.  Chuck Norris can not.  Death from above, Chuck!

6.  He knows when you’ve been bad or good, but Santa hands out presents to almost everybody.  Voyeur with a heart o’ gold is that fat bastard.

7.  You ever seen Santa Claus perform a roundhouse kick like Chuck Norris?  You know why?  It’s so devestating that to even see it could cause insanity and nosebleeds!

8.  Santa Claus can be many places at once.  I don’t know about you, but I know a word for that.  Kwisatz Haderach!

9.  Santa Claus gave Chuck Norris that beard for Christmas one year.  Santa giveth, and he can taketh away!  Even facial hair.  ESPECIALLY FACIAL HAIR!

10.  Last time I checked…Chuck Norris was NOT the headliner in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  Point for St. Nicholas!