It's Curtains for you, see! Curtains!

No, I don’t mean for the items in this list to be sung, though you should feel free to string them together.  If some enterprising musician wishes to, they have my blessing.  And then we’ll start the national tour of Annoyance:  The Musical, with it’s opening number The Most Annoying Writer In The World.  I’d pay to see that.  Actually, I’m already paying to see that, as no one’s handing out money for writing ManWithPez.  Hint.  Again. This list is actually about different musicals.  And, yes, there are spoilers for some of them, so unless you want to know, you might want to avoid this list.  Fifteen New Ways to Annoy People after the jump. (Edit… @sarahjaneohio , friend, nerd, and totally hot weirdo has informed me that I’m incorrect in my suppositions about Les Miserables.  Therefore, it’s removed from the list, and replaced with an item about her favorite musical, Jesus Christ Superstar.)

1.  Go to see Phantom of the Opera.  Roughly ten minutes in, loudly announce “I would never have come if I knew they were going to be SINGING the whole time!”  Bonus points for being as close to the stage as possible.  Extra Super Bonus points if you get out of the theater alive.

2.  Go to see Wicked.  During “Defying Gravity” turn to the person next to you and whisper “That could never happen!  Everyone knows green chicks can’t fly.”

3.  Go to see Next To Normal.  During “I’m Alive” yell out, “No, you’re not!”  Bonus points if you get the actor playing Gabe to cry.

4.  Go to see Xanadu.  During intermission state that “I’ve got a feeling that I’ve seen this somewhere before.”

5.  Go to see Hairspray.  During “You Can’t Stop the Beat” sound off an airhorn.  Say “Hmm..guess you CAN stop the beat.” after the music has stopped.

6.  Go to see Jesus Christ Superstar.  Just before the curtain goes up, say “I don’t want to spoil this for anyone, but I heard that Jesus guy dies in this.”

7.  Go to see Sunset Boulevard.  After the monkey burial scene, scream “HEY!  SHE KILLED A MONKEY!!!  BOOOOO!!!”  Enjoy being thrown out on your ear.

8.  Go to see Legally Blonde.  Remind the people sitting next to you that, yes, you do think that the musical is just as stupid as the movie.

9.  Bring a can of aerosol deodorant when you go to see Hair.  When one of those dirty hippies jumps on your chair, spray the hell out of them.

10.  Go to see Rent.  Right after the first number yell out “GAAAAAYYY!”  Bask in the adulation you’ll recieve by pointing out the obvious.

11.  Go to see 9 to 5.  Actually, I have nothing to add to that.  I’m pretty sure it’s annoying all on it’s own.

12.  Go to see Shrek:  The Musical.  Loudly point out that you can totally see that the guy playing Lord Farquaad is on his knees.

13.  Bring some fake blood when you go to see Evil Dead:  The Musical.  Whenever you get hit with blood and gore, throw some back at the actors.  Bear in mind, however, that one of them is carrying a chainsaw.

14.  Go to see Grease.  When the show is over, see if you can find out from the conductor why they didn’t play that stupid Grease Dance Megamix.

15.  Go to see Cats dressed in a Mickey Mouse costume.

Okay…really, don’t do any of these things.  Well, maybe that last one.  That’d just be damn funny.  My point here with this list is that if you can, you should go see a show.  You’ll be better for it, the arts will be better for it, and I’ll be better for it, because, hey…you’ve been listening!   Unlike most of the annoyance lists I write, I just want to say that I don’t mean to offend anyone with this one, because there isn’t a show on this list that I wouldn’t go see, probably multiple times.  So, see a show!  Any show!

Here, the Phantom demonstrates his mastery of the chokehold.

On this date, October 9th, 1986 at Her Majesty’s Theater in London (Yes, the English one!), The Phantom of the Opera opens to rave reviews and sold out shows…I think they’re probably still sold out.  And, simply because Sarah Brightman had the lead is in no way meant to reflect any kind of nepotism on the part of lecherous composer(and Brightman’s husband at the time) Andrew Lloyd Webber.  Wait, did I say lecherous…I meant talented.