Hello ladies...Daddy Newton's home.

Sure, it might be getting old, but I never tire of the web phenomenom surrounding Chuck Norris.  I want you all to understand that I think he’s a badass, but, he’s just too much for the average nerd.  Plus, he does look like he’s slapped around his share of dorks.  He has the appearance of a bully about him.  So, today we’ll pit him against one of the most brillian minds of all time.  No, not mine, thanks for asking.  Isaac Newton vs Chuck Norris after the jump.

1.  Isaac Newton postulated theorems on calculus, gravitation, and physics that are still followed and studied to this day, 400 years after he devised them.  To be fair, Walker:  Texas Ranger occasionally gets reruns, so the name of Chuck Norris will never be forgotten by the bedridden and unemployed who are actually home when Walker is on.

2.  An apple hit Isaac Newton on the head, causing him to actually give the force of gravity it’s name in his book Principia.  I once threw an apple through a window on accident.  I’m saying that I’m certainly no Isaac Newton.

3.  Isaac Newton actually made a cravat and a powdered wig look manly.  Let’s see Chuck Norris pull that off.

4.  French mathematician Joseph Louis-Legrange stated that Isaac Newton was “…the greatest genius who ever lived.”  Yes, I’m quoting a Frenchman.  Try not to faint.

5.  Using his three laws of motion, Isaac Newton has already calculated how to kick Chuck Norris’s ass with the least amount of effort on his part.  Ah, physics…Is there nothing you can’t do?

6.  Isaac Newton once got into a fistfight with the radioactive mutant Marie Curie.  Newton was able to win because not only did he identify gravity as a force, he was able to overcome it.  That’s right.  Isaac Newton could fly.

7.  The only man to defeat Chuck Norris on film?  That’d be Bruce Lee.  Who is actually a Chinese clone of Isaac Newton.  Seriously!

8.  Beisdes his postulations, writings, theorems, etc…Isaac Newton was such a badass the he actually invented the leather jacket, the logging chain, and the doggystyle sexual position.  All before breakfast one morning.  I personally find it unfortunate that the original name for the position:  Newtonian Style, has fallen out of usage.

9.  You’ve seen that movie Silent Rage, where Chuck Norris is forced to fight an indestructable man?  That was a dramatization of an actual meeting between Chuck Norris and Isaac Newton.

10.  Using an application of physics, Isaac Newton is able to undress a woman in 2.8 seconds.  Bra and all!