Look at them...with their science and their beady eyes. Villainous, I tells ya!

You don’t have to look around here very long to understand that I’m a huge Mythbusters fan.  Indeed, besides my little love note to Malcolm McDowell, the two next highest attention gathering articles I’ve written here have been Chuck Norris vs Grant Imahara and some rules for a Mythbusters drinking game.  This being self declared Superhero month, however, I’ve decided that today, I’m going to inject some of my favorite comics characters into one of my favorite shows.  I ran into a problem however.  Find out what it was after the jump.

People who work with machines and science rarely become superheroes in the comics.  That’s just the sad truth.  I’m not saying it doesn’t happen (The Atom, The Flash, The Hulk, etc) And, the Mythbusters…well, a couple of them at least, look like they are all one industrial accident away from trying to kidnap the mayor of Gotham City.  So, that’s what I went with here.  Next week, look for a group of superheroes to be put together, in just this fashion, to take on this supervillain team in a metabrawl!  I’m not even going to hint about what shows I’m pulling them from either.  So, let’s get started, shall we.  In credit order from the show:

Am I bluuuuuuuuuue.....

I think I saw this guy in a Charmin commercial once.

1.  Adam Savage/The Creeper – What’s that you say?  The Creeper is a good guy?  True…but he hasn’t always been that way.  He’s batshit crazy (heh), and his origin has been played around with so much that you don’t quite know what you’re seeing when he shows up.  Just like Adam Savage!  I’m partial to the DC Animated Universe’s origin of him myself.  A TV reporter gets knocked into a vat of chemicals not unlike the accident that created The Joker, goes insane and begins to pester the world.  His superpowers seem to include surviving things that would kill most people, bouncing off the walls like a madman, and annoying the absolute shit out of the people around him.  Yeah…I think I’ve made a pretty good match here.  Can’t you just see it?!  I can!

BEST. MUGSHOT...EVER!

BEST. BACKSCRATCHER...EVER!

2.  Jamie Hyneman/Doctor Octopus – Just imagine it.  Jamie Hyneman building a super strong rig of multiple arms, crashing his way through the night to fight a superhero…moustache twitching in anticipation!   The usually reserved, coldly calculating Doc Ock has always been one of my favorite supervillains, and I think he fits Jamie to a tee.  I can see Jamie going insane while remaining stoic, building a completely unweildly rig of arms to accomplish things he cannot, but making it work.  Making it practical.  And, of course, he’d be the only one of the group strong enough to carry the damn things around.  I can see Jamie picking up Adam with his multiple metal arms and hurling him into the closest wall (Not at M5, of course, because he doesn’t want to clean THAT up!) while saying “Jamie want big boom!”.  Can’t you just see it?!  I can!

You think it's a toy? It's actually an automatic bank robber.

Yeah...that's Grant. You can tell from the maniacal pose.

3.  Grant Imahara/Toyman – Conventional wisdom would say for me to choose Robot Master from Spider-Man for Grant, but I just can’t pick an ancient, humorless man for him.  I’m going with Toyman, especially the version from Superman:  The Animated Series and Justice League Unlimited.  Sure, he’s on the creepy side, but look at some of the things he does!  He beats the crap out of Killer Frost (a woman with super ice powers…not unlike my grandmother’s deep freeze she keeps in the garage)with a yo-yo of all things!  He menaces Lois Lane and Superman with a giant robotic Tyrannosaurus Rex (Oh yeah…that’s Grant all over!), and he takes out 6 Parademons in JLU’s last episode with a Nerf Gun!  Unlike Grant, he’s creepy, but like Grant, he’s oddly dangerous in an almost childlike way.  And, he likes his toys!  Can’t you just see it?!  I can!

Clearly up to no good. I can appreciate it, man.

Hey! That's not what a shocker looks like! What's that? Ohhhhh.

4.  Tory Belleci/The Shocker – Yeah, I had a hard time with this, so I went with one of my favorite Spider-Man bad guys with the most suggestive name I could think of:  The Shocker!  Sure, in these later years, he’s kinda been turned into a joke, but earlier on, whenever Spider-Man came up against him, he was always careful.  Why?  Well, unlike most of Spider-Man’s villains, The Shocker would learn from his mistakes, and reconfigure his equipment for the next round.  Look at it this way…have you seen Tory try to ramp a bike over a wagon anymore?  No!  Plus, Tory seems to always be getting shocked on Mythbusters, through his own design or not.  I say, one more hit with the stun gun for Mr. Belleci, and you have a rage-filled supervillain on your hands!  Plus…I can totally see Tory hitting someone with a bolt of electricity and then throwing up the hand signal for…THE SHOCKER!  Can’t you just see it?!  I can!

Before you know it, she's stolen your wallet. And your heart.

The face of evil looks goooooood!

5.  Kari Byron/Harley Quinn – Sure, I wanted to go with a supervillain with red hair, but really, what do you got?  Poison Ivy?  Giganta?  They don’t really fit the Kari Byron bill.  Plus, Kari’s love of big guns has been made pretty clear on Mythbusters, so, why not a gun weilding psychopath for the part?  Why not Harley Quinn?!  I can hear you thinking (I can, you know…so be careful) that Harley is nothing more than The Joker’s girl Friday.  Not so, I say.  She’s formidable enough that Batman gives her a wide berth when he can.  That’s a big enough endorsement for me.  Also, Harley beat the stuffing out of Catwoman in Hush (the single best Batman story of all time…take THAT Dark Knight Returns!) so she’s dangerous enough for the part.  Plus, how good would Kari look in that harlequin getup?  Sorry to have gone there, but, it’s true!  I can just imagine that on the show, they give her a gun big enough to drive her crazy (in the best possible way, of course), and then she puts on the costume (made herself, of course), and begins menacing heavily populated areas!  Look out, San Francisco!  Can’t you just see it?!  I can!

Now, clearly, I’ve taken some liberties here, but just wait until you get the whole picture.  Next week, we’ll meet the superteam that hopes to take down this hive of scum and villainy!  (To the Mythbusters…I don’t think you’re scum or villains…well, not most of you, but I was just trying to write something funny!  Don’t sue me, or then we’ll be introduced to the worst villains ever.  Lawyers.)

See you next week!

Not what I had in mind. At all.

The superhero has got to have the right kicks for the right job.  Granted, some of them…well, they just don’t.  Lady superheroes…I’m looking at you here.  Now, I’m not trying to get anyone up in arms here.  These are the costumes that I like, and I stand by them.  There’s only one non-comic one on the list.  There may be a couple missing that you think should be on here, and, that’s okay.  No problem.  It wouldn’t be a ManWithPez list if it didn’t piss off at least one person.  Some of these are pretty specific to certain books, and I’ll list as is comes up.  Some of my favorite costumes for superheroes after the jump.

That man...that Spider-Man means business. He's also friendly.

1.  Spider-Man – He’s my favorite superhero, and, to me there is no more iconic costume than Spider-Man’s.  You see the man in this costume, and you know what he’s all about up front.  (Well, maybe not wrestling, as that’s what the clothes were made for).  Peter Parker has complained that his costume doesn’t offer a whole lot of protection, from beatdowns or the elements.  At least he’s not wearing his Stark designed red and gold anymore.  That was a hot mess, I thought.  Before he left Spider-Man, writer J. Michael Stracynisky and artist John Romita Jr. posited that the Spider-Man of the future would have a different costume.  We even saw an early design of it after issue #500, where it was introduced.  Frankly, I just kinda hope things don’t go down that path, because I love Spider-Man’s look (Take THAT Venom!).

Hmmm...I wonder who this is? Oh...his name's on his shirt.

2.  Superman – I’m not the biggest Superman fan around.  You can ask anyone.  Okay, don’t do that, because they don’t know me, and you just don’t know what might come out of their mouth on the subject.  Again, this is one of the more iconic looks in all of popular fiction, and it’s a well designed costume, with Kal-El’s Kryptonian name right on the front of his shirt…you know…like a janitor would have.  Frankly, the red underpants on the outside probably need a rethinking, but, I’m not above wearing such things myself, so, why wouldn’t the alien with a heart of gold wear the same thing.  I had to include it here, because everyone, EVERYONE knows this costume.  Even people who’ve never heard of Superman.  It’s just that well known.

Sometimes, I'm not sure Spider-Man made the right choice in girlfriends.

3.  Black Cat – Switching back to Spider-Man for a moment, I’ve got to give it up to Felicia Hardy and her sexy, though oddly practical cat burgling costume.  Yeah, I don’t know what the white fur on it is about either, but I know she looks hot in it.  Beyond that, however, she looks like she’d boot your ass for you, too.  And, probably make you feel good about yourself as she did so.  It’s a nice costume with clean lines that’s just impractical enough that you know this particular character would wear it.  So, I’m going with Black Cat over Catwoman in the better costume department.  Just have Kevin Smith leave the character alone, and we’ll all be happy about it.

Vvvvvrrrrooooooommmm!!!!

4.  The Flash – My third favorite hero ever is in touch with the Speed Force, and has outrun a laser beam at one point.  And, in this connotation, I’m talking Wally West’s Flash.  There are differences in his and Barry Allen’s Flash costumes, but, they are subtle.  At first glance, with it’s gold ear pieces and odd chest insignia, it seems like it would be the goofiest thing to wear in a fight.  But, with blur lines and lightning flowing all about from the Speed Force, this costume becomes a force to be reckoned with.  As does the person wearing it.  And…it folds up into a compartment no bigger than a class ring.  Which bears the question…when someone in touch with the Speed Force changes in such a fashion…are they just hanging it out there naked for a microsecond?  Enquiring minds want to know.  Okay, I want to know…and I’m not all that enquiring.

An elegant superhero for a more civilized age.

5.  Mr. Incredible (Old costume) – I’m not talking about the red/black/yellow costume the whole family ends up with in the film.  I’m talking about the kitschy, 60s, art deco looking thing that he tools around in the beginning of the movie in.  Of course, once he wears it while overweight, it looks ridiculous, but what superhero costume couldn’t you say that about.  I really like the colors on his old suit, with the black and the blue.  The mask is a bit much, but, hey…you’ve got to protect that secret identity somehow.  Then again, Bob Parr is HUGE!  How could anyone not know it was him in that getup?  Except maybe Clark Kent.

Would be more badass if my girlfriend would finish making hers.

6.  Wonder Girl (Armor from Wonder Girl mini) – While I’m not always the biggest fan of the character (she’s kinda batshit…literally!  Take that as you will) I’ve always liked her normal costume.  The oddly practical jeans and tanktop look.  In her miniseries that came out a few years ago, though, Cassie Sandsmark was given a badass set of armor that complimented her without taking away from the Wonder Family she’s categorically a part of.  I would love for that costume to become Wonder Girl’s go to costume, but, to date, the only thing she’s changed since getting it is adding long sleeves to her everyday jeans look.  Still, a man can dream, can’t he.  Wait…I didn’t mean he could dream about a teenage girl in armor…Oh bother.

He's so punk, he's got a metal mohawk!

7.  The Rocketeer – This harkens back to why I liked the Mr. Incredible super suit so much.  Cliff Secor’s getup, however, is much more practical.  Leather jacket…that somehow keeps his ass from lighting up with a giant rocket mounted on his back, and that goofy looking, though again, practical helmet that looks like a hood ornament.  The giant fin on the helmet is meant to be a rudder, so he turns in whatever direction his head is turned in.  For all that, though, I just like the way the thing looks.  It’s a beautiful costume that instantly takes you back in time when you see it. 

Ohhhhh shit!

8.  Green Lantern (Kingdom Come) – Alan Stewart, the oldest of the surviving Green Lanterns, is given quite the upgrade in his look in the ultimate Elseworld tale that tells one possible future of the DC universe (since written off as occurring on an alternate earth).  His armor might look bulky, but he certainly knows how to use it, and I like the idea of a Green Lantern in a knight in armor look.  He even fashions a sword or lance or whatever the hell that thing was he had with him all the time.  I’m unaware of the specifics of how his ring works in Kingdom Come, but typically, this GL’s ring was magic based.  I’m sure there’s an explanation for all this in Kingdom Come which I haven’t read in years, but if you really want to know, ask @cootsdaddy , an old friend, comics afficionado, and forever champion of the Green Lantern.

That posture CAN'T be comfortable.

9.  Nightwing – Oh, we’re in the shit, now, ain’t we?  How on earth could I include an ex-Robin on this list, and not Batman?  Well, I’ll get to that in a moment.  With it’s nice clean lines and given the fact that he can glide with it, it’s a nice change from his Robin days.  However, that’s not to say that Dick Grayson didn’t run into trouble with the original Nightwing suit.  The goddamn thing had FEATHERS on it for chrissake?!  Dick is an acrobat and a fighter, and I like the look of this costume.  It suits him, it seems to scare criminals in Bludhaven, and it does call to mind Dick’s history with the Batfamily, no matter if he wants to own up to that legacy or not. 

That's right Booster. Flex it out...for the ladies. Awwww yeah.

10.  Booster Gold – I absolutely adore the hell out of Booster Gold’s goofy costume!  And, if you’re a reader of his comic book, you find out in issue 3, after Booster’s gotten a little drunk, that he once had a cape, and that asshole Superman just ripped it off him!  For all that, however, I like the colorscheme, and I like the incorporation of the goggles and the star.  It’s just the kind of thing you’d expect someone who used to have corporate sponsorship to wear.  Along with using his costume to advertise, it also protects him.  Not his sense of propiety, of course, but him, himself.  Now, he’s THE GREATEST HERO NO ONE’S HEARD OF!  That goes counter to the character as introduced, but it’s a nice look on him, just like his costume.

So, there’s a couple of things to think about, huh?  Why isn’t Batman on this list?  I’ll tell you.  Everytime I see Batman, all I can think is that his costume must weigh 900lbs, what with all the shit he stores in it.  In a fight, I’ll take Bruce Wayne over almost anyone on this list, but that batcostume has to be the most impractical thing in history.  There are several other superheros out there whose costumes I enjoy seeing.  For instance, Vigilante, Black Canary, Wolverine, Iron Man, Superboy, and Robin, just to name a few.  But, I chose ten, and ten I’m sticking with.  Besides, you can always write a story from another time and call is 1602, or Elseworlds, or M2 and make whatever changes to the costume that you want.  It’s worked wonders over the years.  Anyways…see you around!

Truer words, my friends. This is how awful shit really gets started.

I can’t really understand most supervillains in comics.  I mean, apparently over in Gotham City, all it takes is losing your job to drive most people over the edge into killing people left and right for no reason other than they’re just pissed off.  So, I imagine that you have to tread lightly around them.  You never know when minor annoyance is going to lead to “Off with his head!”  or some other horrible consequence of being annoying.   I, for one, like that I’m alive, and want to keep my body parts functioning.  Then again, these are all fake people, so screw em!  I mean, who are you really going to piss off by talking shit about comic book supervillains?  What’s that?  Oh…anyone who’d ever come to this site on their own.  Gotcha.  How to annoy supervillains after the jump.

1.  Wait for Dr. Doom to get pissed, and he’ll say his trademark “Bah!” .  When he does, jump in and ask him if he’s a sheep.

2.  Ask Doomsday to spell “Doomsday”.

3.  Ask the Green Goblin why he flies around on the Goblin Glider if it makes him succeptible to defeat by clothesline.

4.  Tell Darkseid that you’ve found the Anti-Life Equation (Watch clip to the end to get my meaning).  When he asks for it, say “Psyche!” and run away.  Very, very quickly.

5.  Tell Omega Red that the tentacles coming out his arms are the most phallic thing he could use to commit crime besides using his actual penis.

6.  Send Maxwell Lord a neckbrace and tell him it’s a gift from Paradise Island.

7.  Tell Magneto that his goofy looking helmet makes him look like a big, red dick.  Emphasize the word “dick” in case he’s uncertain of your message.

8.  See if you can get The Joker to grow up and get a real job.

9.  Ask Galactus if he’s been putting on weight recently.  That ought to slow down his planet eating…for a little while at least.

10.  Whenever you see Lex Luthor exiting the bathroom, ask him if he washed his hands.

Don't let the hotness confuse you. She'll make you tell the truth, and then kick your ass for it!

Wait a minute (you’re thinking…shit, I don’t know what you’re thinking.  This is what I’m thinking you’re thinking. ) these are comic book characters!  Well, thanks Captain Obvious, but I’ve explained that you can crush on fictional characters several times on this site.  Yes, it’s a little weird, but I think if you stick around through this month, you’re going to see a trend.  I’d like to dedicate April to Superheroes!  Let’s get started, shall we?

The Warrior Born herself!  That’s right, Wonder Woman.  Except, she wasn’t born so much as manufactured.  Queen of the Amazons Hippolyta on the island of Thyrmiscera made herself a daughter out of clay, and then the Gods granted that form life.  I love Wonder Woman!  I think she’s one of the best comic book characters that comic book writers have no idea how to use correctly.  (Seriously, have you seen some of the halfassed villains in Wonder Woman?  Etta Candy?!  Give me a fuckin’ break!)  Wisdom of Athena, beauty of Aphrodite, and, in the wrong hands, as she can sometimes be, the worst manhater in the business.  Honestly, once I see that a writer has taken that tact with her, I just tune out.  Also, I don’t know how many times I’ve defended her in the “Can Wonder Woman beat up Superman” argument.  Her powers are magically imbued, and the Krytopian has been shown time and again to be succecptible to such things.  So, my answer is yes.  I loved the episode of Justice League where she ended up in a cage match against Hawkgirl, Black Canary, Vixen and Huntress.  Those other powerful women were terrified of her, and their only real strategy was to stay alive until they could figure something else out!  Come on, DC!  Give this character the treatment a badass of her caliber deserves!

Damn Pete! Put a shirt on! On second thought...no, you're good.

I think it’s obvious if you’ve been on this site any amount of time that I am a Spider-Man fan.  Then again, the character was created specifically to show what happens to the everyman, or boy when he’s suddenly given superpowers.  The answer, as told to him by his uncle is that people with power have a responsibility to use it for the best.  And Peter’s done that.  Sure, he stumbled in the beginning, and it led to his uncle’s death.  Hey, as a narrative device, it works, because Peter’s never since forgotten his uncle Ben’s message.  Also, Peter was the school nerd who could suddenly kick any ass he wanted to, not to mention he ended up marrying the hottest supermodel ever!   I refuse to discuss Brand New Day here (Where Peter sold his marriage to Mary Jane to Mephisto to secure his aunt’s safety…it was Mary Jane who cut a side deal so that no one would know that Peter ((who’d already revealed his identity to the world)) was Spider-Man…SEE!  That whole story is just one big mess!)  But, for my money, what makes Peter so compelling to read about is his financial troubles, his family troubles, his troubles in general that never stop him from doing what he knows in his heart to be right.  My favorite superhero of all time is, and always will be Spider-Man.  Also, he has the best rogues gallery of all time (Take THAT, Batman!)