I realize that when I put it on, I might look like THIS:

But, I totally feel like THIS:

Hell YEAH!

Strip by Scott Kurtz. Pretending That Kurtz Isn't An Asshole by ManWithPez.

Face it!  Bruce Wayne has it coming, and not just the Goddamn Batman version of him, either!  He’s just so damn smug and confident in himself and his intellect, and you just want to slap the everlovin’ shit out of him.  Maybe that’s just me, though.  Batman…he’s awful hard to fool, but I’ve noticed something about the character.  In his race to prove to the world that’s he a big hardass, he’s revealed that he’s very, very easily annoyed.  So, come with me, and let’s discuss different ways to annoy Batman, after the jump.

1.  Replace the pointy bat ears on Batman’s mask with fuzzy white rabbit ears.  See how long it takes him to figure it out.

2.  Tell the Joker that Batman is really Alfred Pennyworth.  You know…close to the mark, but not quite a bullseye.  Stick around to see Batman’s reaction to having the Joker in stately Wayne Manor.

3.  The next time you see Batman with Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl, BatWoman, Huntress, Catwoman, or any number of other Batfamily, ask him if there’s just too much crime for him to handle on his own.

4.  Ask Bruce what he’s going to do for Mother/Father’s Day. 

5.  Feed Ace, The Bathound a pound of laxative and set him loose in the Batcave.

6.  Ask Batman if the Batmobile is so big because he’s compensating for something besides the death of his parents.

7.  Tell Robin wit in earshot of Batman that it’s okay to reveal if Batman has engaged in a Bat-Touch in a bad way.

8.  Secretly (Good luck!) glue Batman’s cape to his BatBoots.  See how far he can run THEN!

9.  Give the Goddamn Batman (or any Frank Miller version of Batman, really) a cookie and a glass of milk and tell him it’s going to be okay.  You might want to run.  That particular Batman isn’t picky about killing people.

10.  Create a storyline where Bruce’s mom was a crack whore, Bruce’s father was a drug dealer, and Alfred was really Bruce’s father, with Bruce being conceived during a gangbang.  Oh wait…scratch that…it’s been done. (You might want to avoid the last two years of Batman comics, by the way.)

A woman you can't touch with a pet dragon that can burn the shit out of you. I give up!

If you’re into comics at all and neither one of these two do anything for you…You may be dead.  Okay, maybe having crushes on clearly fictional people is a cry for help, but that doesn’t mean it can’t work for you!  I mean, you’ve taken it too far if you’re sleeping with your comics, but who hasn’t done that from time to time.  I mean other than me.  I’d never do that.  Ever.  One is a mutant who can move through solid objects, and the other is a man who can kick anyone’s ass.  Presenting Hot Nerd Crush:  Bruce Wayne and Kitty Pryde after the jump.

Katherine Pryde is a dangerous woman.  Wolverine himself once said that he didn’t want to spar her because he didn’t feel like bleeding.  She’s an accomplished martial artist, ridiculously smart, hot, and totally willing to make it with organic steel men.  If that’s not a dreamgirl, I don’t know what is?!  She comes from Xavier’s fabled “New Mutants” class, but went on to head up her own team in England, called Excalibre.  I don’t know why it was called that, but it was.  She formed a hot and heavy relationship with Piotr Rasputin, or Colossus.  Dude’s made of metal.  I don’t blame her.  She was recently fabulously showcased in the Joss Whedon-penned Astonishing X-Men, where it’s clear that Joss has had the hots for Ms. Pryde for some time.  In the last Whedon issue, he turns her into a powerhouse that has to be seen to be believed.  I don’t often drop jaw at comic books, but that one certainly made me.  (John Cassaday certainly had his hand in that, too.)  I enjoyed Ellen Page’s take on the character as well, what with her making The Juggernaut look like a bitch and all.

Bruce Wayne in a tux. A little something for da ladies.

Bruce Wayne is Batman.  (Oh shit…sorry for the spoiler)  Do you really need to say anymore.  He’s the powerless superhero that the entirety of the DC Universe is terrified of.  He punched a New God in the face for chrissakes!!!  Take THAT, Darkseid!  I used to get phonecalls late at night when I was in the Air Force from people on shift who were arguing over who could take Batman in a fight!   The fact that he’s scary as shit and supersmart does little to mask that he’s a bit crazy.  You don’t just dress up like a bat and beat the shit out of people just because your parents were killed by a mugger.   Then again, this happened in Gotham City, where it would appear EVERYONE has a costume in their closet.  In the animated World’s Finest Superman/Batman movie, on Batman’s first meeting with Superman, he just tossed him around for a bit.  The response from Superman (after knocking the wind out of Batman) was “I knew you were crazy, but I didn’t think you were stupid.”  It’s Batman’s unyielding sense of duty to his fallen parents that defines him as a superhero and keeps him standing when others would simply lay over.  I’m not the biggest Batman fan out there, mostly because I don’t care for the comics (except Hush!  Do yourself a favor, find it, and read it!) but I love the character, who once beat up Superman simply because he anticipated how the Kryptonian would fight.  He used the fact that Superman is a good person at heart against him, because Batman isn’t a good person at heart.  That’s how you get to be a Hot Nerd Mancrush around here!

Six Bad Men. Yeah, I'm not the best with team names.

In accordance with April being self chosen Superhero Month, here’s a few videos to take up some time.  They’re all superhero themed, and one of my favorite ever fanfilms is in the mix.  Some JLU and Spectacular Spider-Man fill out the bill, but since there are copyrighted videos, you might want to look quick.  Let’s have a look at today’s Streaming Internet Theater, after the jump!

A few years ago, superfan Sandy Collora put together this wonderfully made Batman fan film that includes some interesting feature parts from some of science fiction’s nastier creatures.  Also of note, this Dead End stars the recently deceased Andrew Koenig with a masterful performance as The Joker.   Here’s Dead End:

Didn’t that kick ass?! Of course, being the dutiful Justice League Unlimited fan that I am, I couldn’t let this little bit of kickass slide by.  Here’s Wally West, The Flash, proving that he has what it takes to sit at the big boy Superhero table once and for all:

I think that the Saturday morning cartoon Spectacular Spider-Man is underrated.  It’s a wonderfully fun show that has managed to keep my interest even while it tampers with some of Peter’s background.  If you get a chance, give it a look.  Here’s Spider-Man taking on one of my favorite villain syndicates, The Sinister Six: