I have stated on ManWithPez.com before that I simply am not the biggest Batman comics fan.  That being said, there’s something about the animated version of him that I’ve found compelling ever since I was a little BoyWithPez(.com).  Tonight, I watched the new DC Direct Animated feature The Dark Knight Returns part 1.  I loved every second of it, but perhaps not for the same reasons most other people would.

The title recounts Frank Miller’s famous genre-reviving sequential art masterpiece of the same name.  Not even a big Frank Miller fan, but there is something so very grown-up about the story of Batman coming out of retirement because he just can’t take anymore of Gotham’s bullshit.  Perhaps I like The Dark Knight Returns for the same reason that I liked Gran Torino.  Come to think of it, if you substitute the Gotham police for Clint Eastwood’s family, the hmongs for the Mutants, and the…you know what…it’s specious reasoning at best, and I’m sorry I made the analogy.

Not sorry for the recommendation, though.  The reason I liked this movie is for its potential in its second part.  All the groundwork is laid here, from Bruce’s return as Batman all the way to the…well, that would be telling, wouldn’t it?  If they stick to form, Batman (voiced to second place perfection by Peter Weller…what?  Kevin Conroy is, and always will be the fucking Batman, and I will brook no arguement on that quarter) will have to face The Joker, meet up with Selena Kyle, and go head-to-head with Superman.  You know all those arguements that kids have on playgrounds about who would win in a fight between Superman and Batman?  That shit started in the pages of The Dark Knight Returns.

So, watch this installment to get you ready for part 2, which, based on the quality of this production, should be an amazing film.

But don’t take my word for it!  Read a goddamn comic book!

Youtube user KhalidSMSahin has certainly made my afternoon a little less serious by marrying a clip of Han Solo taking no shit at dinner and the music video to Psy’s Gangnam Style.

And don’t things usually need to be made less serious?

If this is as pissed as she gets, consider it a blessing.

As previously mentioned, ThatWeirdGirl and I were married during the time I’ve been away from this website.  It was an awesome wedding, too.  I’m sure your invitation just got lost in the mail or something.  The funny thing about weddings is that they place all their participants on a hair trigger.  Why do you think the groom gets so smashed the night before, or even the day of the wedding?  Why is the bride ready to snap and pounce on the first person who comes to her with a logisitical problem?  These people, these laid back, normal people have been so stress filled that they are as ready to pop as a pinata at a shitty toddler’s birthday party.  Can you annoy them?  Easily!  Should you?  My answer’s yes, but then again, I’m a dick.  Ten ways to annoy people at a wedding after the jump.

1.  When you hug the bride right after the ceremony (like people do) tell her that dress makes her look like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.  Bonus points if you manage slip a little sailor’s cap on her in the process.

2.  Bring a small television with you.  When the officiant says “Does anyone have any objections…”  Jump up loudly and scream “TOUCHDOWN!”.  Works the best in the offseason.

3.  When people are throwing rice at the happy couple as they leave the premises, mix it up a little.  Throw Cheetos instead.

4.  Buy several plastic fake rings.  Leave them in different places you know the groom’s party will be.  Watch with glee as the best man checks for the actual ring every time he sees a fake one.  Laugh as he is sent to a mental asylum shortly after the wedding.

5.  Replace the petals in the flower girl’s basket with unwrapped tampons.  When people get angry at this, remind them that you are simply trying to provide a valuable personal service in a high stress venue, considering everyone’s being such a bitch.

6.  Full on tackle the ring bearer.  Snatch both of the wedding rings and squeal, “MY PRECIOUSSSS!”.  Limp out the door as quickly as possible.

7.  Replace the the wedding cake topper with a new topper consisting of a couple of ceramic pigs having angry sex.

8.  Come to the wedding dressed in your best BDSM leather regalia.  When asked about it, say: “I’ve known the bride’s family for years.  I thought this was what they wanted!  They never objected to me wearing assless chaps before!”

9.  Ask if you can cut in during the Father/Daughter dance.  This works best when you know almost no one at the wedding.

10.  See if you can quickly replace the officiant in the wedding with no one’s foreknowledge.  Instead of a wedding ceremony, begin a ceremony to summon Cthulu.

Going to weddings (I’ve found) is no fun…but nowhere near as bad as actually being in one.  Or two.  Or three.  Being married three times might point to the fact that I’m an expert in marriage.

Or not.  I don’t care.  I divorce myself of the notion.

Yes, I’m aware we don’t have a pre-nup.

Bullshit!!!

For a group of cereals that’s only available a couple of months out of the year, you’d think they’d stop coming up with ways to make it suck.  This is a bowl of Count Chocula…at one time, my most favoritest of cereals.  Notice anything missing?  That’s right…WHERE’S THE GODDAMN MARSHMALLOWS?!  Seriously, General Mills, don’t make me go Froot Broot on your ass. My wife is a big fan of Frankenberry, which was an even worse offender on the marshmallow front!  Also, it’s got blue marshmallows in it!  Blue marshmallows?  In a cereal whose most recognizable trait is its pink hue?

If I can only get your cereal around Halloween, then it should be at least HALF marshmallow!  I don’t even care if it boosts the cost up to $8/box.  I only get these cereals in September and October anyways.

HALF!  You hearin’ me General Mills?  HALF!!!

Behold The Architects Of My Life!

Firefly and it’s followup, Serenity, has been a big part of my life ever since I bought those DVDs back in December of 2003.  I was at the Base Exchange in Osan AB, South Korea, and walked past it sitting on an endcap.  I remembered watching it on TV the year before (it was a Whedon property, and I had already learned to place my trust in Joss Whedon), so I wanted it.  The problem was that my ex-wife at the time had my finances in a bind so tight that Klamps from Futurama would have giggled appreciatively.  I was on an allowance, and believe me when I say that I wasn’t allowed that much.  In fact, buying those Firefly DVDs would set me back a considerable amount.  But, I felt I needed them.  It was one of the best decisions I ever made.  Those DVDs led me to a website called FireFlyFans, and, eventually, to the right woman.  I thrilled with the rest of the nerd fans when we found out about the movie.  I went to the official movie website, where I managed to piss off almost everyone, so I went back to FFF where I was accepted much more readily.  I’ve since met almost all the cast.  I posed for the cover of one of the comics.  I’ve killed at Firefly trivia, and won Runner-up in a Whedon Universe costume contest at a Convention!  This show has yielded great things for me, and I can not say enough about everyone involved in its making.

Here’s to Firefly…the greatest show we never got to see.  Happy Tenth Anniversary!

Well, now that I write them out and look at them, those are just the worst shit excuses I’ve ever written.  God, I’m sorry!  I won’t use my nuptials or my schoolwork as an excuse to fuck off ever again.

As far as you know.

Anyways, I’m back for now.  I have the space for another year, and the price is right…or it was when one of my admins was providing it.  Hope he’s doing okay, and hasn’t been attacked by zombies or radioactive rabbits or Mormons or whatever the hell they have out in Utah where he’s from.

I’d like to leave you with a videa that was linked from my comments section this last summer.  I went and watched the video and was quite amused.  So, here it is:  SkepticallyPwnd  (Where False Claims Get Kicked In The Nuts ((NICE!))) with Mythbusters Drinking Game – Clean.  I think you can see why this appealed to me.

Anyways…See you soon!

If you think you can trust me, that is.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

They're on the hunt...for a bra to fit Beth. Good luck.

I’ve been trapped in a hotel room for a couple of days…through no fault of my own, actually.  You know what this means, right?  Roughly twenty channels of crap TV all day.  A&E, Discovery, TLC…well, not TLC.  I gave up on that shit years ago, when it became snarky dress exchanges and guerilla interior design.  So, a steady diet of A&E and Discovery.  A&E shows stuff in roughly 4 hour blocks which they repeat.  What the fuck kind of programming decision is THAT?  Discovery shows different episodes of the same show all day, and while they do show some cool stuff from time to time, if you end up with a bad draw for the day, you’re stuck!  So, shows that I would normally stay away from like…say…Dog the Bounty Hunter or American Chopper, I’ve watched in mass quantities out of sheer boredom.  I’m starting to fucking like them!  It’s like some bizarre, television induced Stockholme Syndrome!   Let me tell you, I don’t think I should give a shit what happens to Paul Jr.  But I suddenly find myself hoping his new business works out.  Someone kill me already!

Who knows?  Tomorrow could be a better day.  Isn’t it about time for a Mythbusters marathon for no good reason?  Dear God…I hope so.

Reading and myopia. They go together like...um...nerds and glasses.

Someone around here, and I’m not saying who, has been accepted in the University of Oklahoma’s Library Science Graduate Program.  Tomorrow, I’m supposed to begin on my Masters degree. 

I’m not one to toot my own horn…but that’s mostly because I don’t have any horns to toot.  Well, I’m going to toot the living hell out of this one.

TOOOOOOOT!!!

Is it just me, or has S Club 7 just stopped trying?

We here at ManWithPez have noticed that the American television scene has gotten a little stale of late.  There are a few sparks out there, but that’s not I’m writing about here today.  Today I’m writing about British TV genre show Misfits, airing on E4.  It’s aired two seasons, one Christmas special, and has announced a third season for later this year.  When 5 delinquents performing community service are suddenly stricken with superpowers, what do they do next?  That’s what’s facing these young twentysomethings.  Also, they’re kind of rude…but in the funniest possible way.  To me, watching this show is like watching someone who decided to fix Heroes…and did it correctly.  Granted the format isn’t quite the same, but the idea is similiar.  So, if you’ve got the ability to see it, by all means, watch Misfits, laugh at Robert Sheehan, and come back and thank me.  I’m worth it!

Looks like he wouldn't hurt a fly. That's the entire problem!

B movies of the 90s had their queen, and she was Jill Schoelen.  For once, she’s not the draw of one of the films she’s in, and for the record, The Stepfather is not a B film, but a taut, if somewhat predictable thriller with one very important thing going for it.  Terry O’Quinn and his amazing performance as Jerry, the man who just wants a family of his very own.  Of course, in modern times, things just don’t always go the way we might want them to.  Jerry’s new families fall apart, so he whacks them, and moves on to start somewhere else.  It’s a familiar story, to anyone who’s ever come from a broken home.  I mean, not with the murder and such, but perhaps that’s why The Stepfather franchise has worked so well.  All stepparents aren’t evil, but Terry certainly illustrates a worst case scenario.  Jill is also on hand as his stepdaughter, foil, and necessary thriller cheesecake (though I’m fairly certain that’s a body double, and, if it isn’t, all the better).  What makes a character like Jerry so dangerous is that, really, who amongst us hasn’t wanted things to be absolutely perfect from time to time?  When you’re talking about ready made families, it’s hard to fit in a mold, let alone make everyone do your bidding.  Terry O’Quinn’s answer?  Kill ‘em all, and let the divorce attorney figure it out.  See it.  It’s worth a bit of your time, though by now everyone knows that Terry is one hell of an actor, and he shines here in his best bad guy role.  (Take THAT Lost!)

See ThatWeirdGirl’s review here.