ManWithPez

My Grandaddy with my Mother. That's why he's my Grandaddy, you know.

This seems like kind of a no brainer given that Father’s Day is coming and Chuck Norris and my Grandaddy are damn near the same age.  I would worry about whether or not I’m going to offend my Grandaddy, but it’s not like he ever comes to this site.  That would require him to be home from whatever exotic island he and my grandmother are seemingly always visiting.  There is one very solid difference between these two men.  I’m not frightened of Chuck Norris, and my Grandaddy scares the living shit out of me!  Find out why after the jump! (more…)

Superman just before he delivers a global slap to Norris.

First thing, I haven’t written a “vs Chuck Norris” piece in FOREVER!  Second, I know that the comic book stuff was supposed to end at the end of May.  Well, besides just being a lazy git, I’ve experienced some minor technical difficulties, and ManWithPez has suffered for that reason.  Well, I had some pieces that, like THE MUSIC, I just had to get out of me.  This one:  Superman vs Chuck Norris is one that I’ve had on my mind for some time, and I just need you assholes…sorry…you people to read it!  So, for your perusal, Superman, the original American (though…alien, you know) Boyscout, vs Chuck Norris…the original Texas Ranger.  Let’s see it play out, after the jump! (more…)

The only job that Chuck's past career has prepared him for.

The constant butt of jokes around here Chuck Norris reached the age of 70 last week, and there’s no reason we should stop making fun of him.  I mean, what’s he going to do?  Slap me with his walker (Texas Ranger)?  Heh. It would appear that Chuck has come up against an adversary that he can’t simply kick into submission.  So, as we all fall to the enemy that is time, let’s take a look at how Chuck will deal with this particular bad guy who isn’t a motorcycle thug or a ninja.  Chuck vs. Old Age after the jump. (more…)

Yo dawg! I head you like bitin' other dawgs. Here ya go!

Being a surly, slightly overweight nerd, I’m certain you’re thinking that I’m about to say “physical confrontation” and the fights I like to avoid.  You’d be wrong this time, however.  Certain groups of people tear into each other verbally or in whatever way, and I just get embarassed or bothered to the point that I can’t BE bothered.   Everyone knows everyone has an opinion or two of their own.  There’s just no need to force it out of most people.  The Fights I Like To Avoid…and why, after the jump. (more…)

You wish you wrote this good, looked this good, was this cool!

I’m a huge nerd.  I’m fine with that.  Truly!  Anyways, when I was a child of the tender age of 8, I had a book taken from me in class.  That book was Stephen King’s Night Shift.  And really, there isn’t much a better short story collection out there.  The point is that I’m a lifelong Stephen King fan.  And, as presented on this site, Chuck Norris needs someone to fight!  So, why not my favorite author Stephen King!  Stephen King vs Chuck Norris after the jump! (more…)

Reference for #2 down on that list. I'll say it again...DAMN!!!

Damn!  Go a week without kicking Chuck Norris’s ass, and people will notice.  So, here it is, because YOU demanded it!  You know…I just hadn’t noticed that we hadn’t had a woman fight Chuck Norris on one of these outings.  Actually, that’s not true.  A lot of thought went into picking who was going to take on Chuck’s brawn and beard this week.  I could’ve gone with any old piece of nerdbait cheesecake(mmmm…cheesecake).  But, instead, I decided to go with a badass chick that none of us can deny.  Sigourney Weaver vs Chuck Norris after the jump. (more…)

Hello ladies...Daddy Newton's home.

Sure, it might be getting old, but I never tire of the web phenomenom surrounding Chuck Norris.  I want you all to understand that I think he’s a badass, but, he’s just too much for the average nerd.  Plus, he does look like he’s slapped around his share of dorks.  He has the appearance of a bully about him.  So, today we’ll pit him against one of the most brillian minds of all time.  No, not mine, thanks for asking.  Isaac Newton vs Chuck Norris after the jump. (more…)

Helllllo ladies!

This one is entirely for the film nerds.  My second favorite actor of all time (Don’t ask), I think is a perfect candidate to bring some class to the proceedings:  Cary Grant.  Now, whether or not he was gay is up to debate.  Personally, I don’t think so.  I don’t care either way.  Sexual orientation is not a precursor to the beating of Chuck Norris’s ass.  Either way, Chuck’s goin’ down. (heh).  Cary Grant vs Chuck Norris after the jump! (more…)

That's who's watching me when I'm sleeping or awake? Holy shit! (Picture from Perzo at Deviantart)

Why not Jolly Old St. Nick?  I don’t know about you, but he brought me an awful lot of geek presents in my formative years, pretty much guaranteeing the nerd I would grow into.  Thanks, Santa!  Since Chuck Norris is bent on ridding the world of geeks, why not pit him against someone who seemingly creates them from childhood?  Santa Claus vs. Chuck Norris after the jump. (more…)

Contrary to popular belief, Trebek's afro alone could kick Chuck's ass!

Here’s another old one I’m wheeling out because today is ThatCostumeGirl’s birthday, and I haven’t really the time to write an all new one.  Unfortunately, this is my last get out of jail free card, and from now on, I’ll have to write them all out, which doesn’t bother me all that much.  Alex Trebek takes on Chuck Norris for the third time after the jump. (more…)