ManWithPez

Yo dawg! I head you like bitin' other dawgs. Here ya go!

Being a surly, slightly overweight nerd, I’m certain you’re thinking that I’m about to say “physical confrontation” and the fights I like to avoid.  You’d be wrong this time, however.  Certain groups of people tear into each other verbally or in whatever way, and I just get embarassed or bothered to the point that I can’t BE bothered.   Everyone knows everyone has an opinion or two of their own.  There’s just no need to force it out of most people.  The Fights I Like To Avoid…and why, after the jump. (more…)

You wish you wrote this good, looked this good, was this cool!

I’m a huge nerd.  I’m fine with that.  Truly!  Anyways, when I was a child of the tender age of 8, I had a book taken from me in class.  That book was Stephen King’s Night Shift.  And really, there isn’t much a better short story collection out there.  The point is that I’m a lifelong Stephen King fan.  And, as presented on this site, Chuck Norris needs someone to fight!  So, why not my favorite author Stephen King!  Stephen King vs Chuck Norris after the jump! (more…)

Reference for #2 down on that list. I'll say it again...DAMN!!!

Damn!  Go a week without kicking Chuck Norris’s ass, and people will notice.  So, here it is, because YOU demanded it!  You know…I just hadn’t noticed that we hadn’t had a woman fight Chuck Norris on one of these outings.  Actually, that’s not true.  A lot of thought went into picking who was going to take on Chuck’s brawn and beard this week.  I could’ve gone with any old piece of nerdbait cheesecake(mmmm…cheesecake).  But, instead, I decided to go with a badass chick that none of us can deny.  Sigourney Weaver vs Chuck Norris after the jump. (more…)

Hello ladies...Daddy Newton's home.

Sure, it might be getting old, but I never tire of the web phenomenom surrounding Chuck Norris.  I want you all to understand that I think he’s a badass, but, he’s just too much for the average nerd.  Plus, he does look like he’s slapped around his share of dorks.  He has the appearance of a bully about him.  So, today we’ll pit him against one of the most brillian minds of all time.  No, not mine, thanks for asking.  Isaac Newton vs Chuck Norris after the jump. (more…)

Helllllo ladies!

This one is entirely for the film nerds.  My second favorite actor of all time (Don’t ask), I think is a perfect candidate to bring some class to the proceedings:  Cary Grant.  Now, whether or not he was gay is up to debate.  Personally, I don’t think so.  I don’t care either way.  Sexual orientation is not a precursor to the beating of Chuck Norris’s ass.  Either way, Chuck’s goin’ down. (heh).  Cary Grant vs Chuck Norris after the jump! (more…)

That's who's watching me when I'm sleeping or awake? Holy shit! (Picture from Perzo at Deviantart)

Why not Jolly Old St. Nick?  I don’t know about you, but he brought me an awful lot of geek presents in my formative years, pretty much guaranteeing the nerd I would grow into.  Thanks, Santa!  Since Chuck Norris is bent on ridding the world of geeks, why not pit him against someone who seemingly creates them from childhood?  Santa Claus vs. Chuck Norris after the jump. (more…)

Contrary to popular belief, Trebek's afro alone could kick Chuck's ass!

Here’s another old one I’m wheeling out because today is ThatCostumeGirl’s birthday, and I haven’t really the time to write an all new one.  Unfortunately, this is my last get out of jail free card, and from now on, I’ll have to write them all out, which doesn’t bother me all that much.  Alex Trebek takes on Chuck Norris for the third time after the jump. (more…)

You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like him. He's a loner. A rebel.

Yeah, I made the mistake of asking my family who I should write this column about this week.  This was my brother’s response, and so, here’s Pee-wee vs Chuck.  If I actually write and intelligible article out of this, I’ll be amazed, but even more than that…YOU should be amazed!  Anyways, you know the drill, Chuck Norris is awesome,but the nerds of the world need their champions too.  So…“Paging Mr. Herman, Mr. Herman, you have a fistfight here at the front desk.”  Here’s Pee-wee Herman vs Chuck Norris. (more…)

And here, we see Alton Brown holding the actual head of Chuck Norris.

Oh, we’ve been down this avenue before with Alton Brown.  Honestly, I think given the proper preparation time and tools, Alton could actually take down old Beardface.  What, you find that nickname offensive, Norris fans?  Okay, I’ll just start calling him Sasquatch.  Actually, I’m kinda worried that one of my grandparents or another will come over to this site and find me badmouthing Walker.  I’ll probably be disowned.  Heh…It’s worth it.  Alton Brown vs Chuck Norris Round II starts now. (more…)

Big pimpin'.

He’s one of the smartest men of our times, is old Stephen Hawking, and puts him firmly in “vs Chuck Norris” territory.  After seeing him on The Simpsons…I don’t know.  That wheelchair might be an unfair advantage.  Then again, it’s Chuck Norris, who clearly has it coming! (more…)