I realize that when I put it on, I might look like THIS:

But, I totally feel like THIS:

Hell YEAH!

When a Saiyan gets really, really angry, they go through a physical change that grants them a massive amount of strength.  On the show, they call it “going Super-Saiyan”.  Hmmmm…

I wonder if I could…

Damn it.

A year between half seasons? DAMN YOU CARTOON NETWORK!!!

Hey, I showed the comic book set plenty of love a few months back…why can’t I do the same for the animated set?  Especially this pair, from two of the smartest shows ever to appear on television, animated or not!  I’m speaking of course of Dr. Byron Orpheus from The Venture Brothers and Daria Morgendorffer from Daria.  Let’s have a look at these two after the jump.

Dr. Byron Orpheus is one of the nicest, most balanced characters on The Venture Brothers.  That being said, of course, he’s on The Venture Brothers, meaning that he used to demonstrate the effects of failure.  In Orpheus’s case, it could be the failure of optimism that we’re meant to see.  He delivers some of my favorite lines from The Venture Brothers, mostly because he adds unnecessary grandeur to the everyday.  Lines like “Who wants PIZZA ROLLS?!” and “Do not be too hasty entering that room, for I had TACO BELL FOR LUNCH!!!”.  He’s a loving father, and one of the best friends you could have.  He formed the formidable Order of the Triad, and he’s very protective of his daughter (”MY DAUGHTER’S MAIDENHEAD IS NOT A PRIZE TO BE WON!!!”) and the eponymous Venture Brothers.  He’s one of the better reasons to watch this layered and rich show.  Check it out already!

The chair speaks the truth!

Daria Morgendorffer is the star of a TV series named for her, which was a spinoff of Beavis and Butthead, one of the stupidest shows ever on television. (What?!  It’s the TRUTH!)  It aired on MTV.  Now, you tell me, with that kind of pedigree, how did it end up being so smart and so influential?  Because it stuck with the premise of the show’s star, Daria, being a non-conformist genius.  Daria was one of a kind, cynical without being mean, honest without being self serving, and basically your typical gifted teenager.  She was confronted with all the same problems in life that most of us were.  She just handled them in ways we all wished we could.  Her first kiss was with her best friend’s boyfriend, her dad had a heart attack from stress, her sister disowned her in the first episode.  Through it all, you could count on Daria to come through her hardships intact, if not the better for it.  For an animated show, it’s relationships rang surprisingly true, because Daria, as a character, was so well drawn.

Sure, it’s all cute when they’re toy sized.  Look at the cute little robots.  They’re fighting!  Awwww…but there’s a danger here.  You know what this leads to?

No, not that.  That’s actually pretty cool.  What I meant was:

That’s right!  It leads to Michael Bay movies.  Please…stop with the anthropomorphic robots.  This has been a public service announcement from ManWithPez.  Thank you.

And THAT'S what Mystique is SUPPOSED to look like! You hearin' me Rebecca Romijn?

Oh, Hot Nerd Crush…how I’ve missed you!  I suppose a recount of the guidelines are in order, huh?  Okay…first off, I’m not gay.  Doesn’t mean I can’t find a man attractive, and I stand by that. I just highlight a few people now and again that I think your typical dork might find attractive.  Just lately, they’ve all been fictional people. In the last few instances of Hot Nerd Crush, I’ve been highlighting comic book superheroes, and as is my wont, I changed the rules in the middle of the game.  For the rest of the month, we’re adding the villains in too.  So, this week, let’s take a look at favorite Marvel badgirl Mystique and current DC good guy (That you’re never heard of) Booster Gold!

Boy…character histories don’t come more convoluted than the blue hotness that is Raven Darkholme, or Mystique!  All I know is that she’s an all around badass!  While normally, she chooses to strike and then use her shapeshifting abilities to disappear into a crowd, when she’s pressed on the attack, the effects are devestating to anyone she’s up against.  Her abilities make her age indeterminate, and she’s given birth two times (that we know of) making her one of the hottest MILFs in comics!  She had a son with gnarly X-Men villain Sabertooth (Ugh…that’s not right!).  Their offspring was the completely human Graydon Creed.  Mystique wanted nothing to do with him after finding out he was Homo Sapien rather than Homo Superior…Harsh!  Also, along with the demonlike mutant Azazel, she gave birth to one of my favorite mutants, Nightcrawler!  She’s mean, she’s smart, she’s into chicks (Seriously…she raised Rogue with some help from a female mutant named Destiny…rowr!)  And she’s damn near unkillable.  Personally, my favorite storyline of hers is “Get Mystique” wherein Wolverine has a bone to pick with Mystique…and he does, to fanboy satisfaction.

Protecting your future to save his ass....PAST! I meant past!

My personal favorite superhero just lately has changed. Normally, Spider-Man would hold that billing, but along comes Michael Carter, aka Booster Gold!  (Or, Booster F’n Gold as he’s known around this house.  No, really…that’s what my kids call him.  They pronounce the F and everything!)  While Booster’s history hasn’t always been the greatest (Indeed, he was thrown out of the sport of football for throwing games against bets he had placed himself…Naughty, Booster…just naughty!)  he is a superhero of the future come back to save us all.  Originally for fortune and glory, kid…fortune and glory.  He was a night watchman in a museum in the future in Metropolis along with his trusty security robot, Skeets (YAY, SKEETS!), Michael steals a forcefield belt and a Legionaire flight ring, and journeys to the past, where he knows what’s going to happen to whom and where, and decides to make himself a superhero!  While Booster is a shameless self promoter, you can’t help but love the guy!  If you read his current comics incarnation, then you know that his new job is travelling throughout time with his son Rip Hunter and righting certain temporal wrongs.  The downside…no one can know that he was involved.  Kinda puts a dent in the fortune and glory stuff.  Of course, he’s fantastic at it.  He’s Booster F’n Gold!  He gets the job done, even when the job is impossible!  Booster can’t help but show that inside him are all the characterstics of a great superhero, and while he seems self involved, he will do what needs to be done.

On a side note for Booster Gold:  Booster has appeared in two of the DC Animated Universe’s shows, to great effect.  In Justice League Unlimited, he was in one of my favorite half hours of television ever in an episode called “The Greatest Story Never Told“, and he lent a hand to Batman in Batman:  The Brave and the Bold in “Menace of the Conqueror Caveman“, and was just as great as ever.  Kudos to Tom Everett Scott for his brilliant voice work as Booster, and to Billy West as Skeets in both of those episodes.  Watch either one of these episodes, and you’ll see what makes these two brilliant!

Look at them...with their science and their beady eyes. Villainous, I tells ya!

You don’t have to look around here very long to understand that I’m a huge Mythbusters fan.  Indeed, besides my little love note to Malcolm McDowell, the two next highest attention gathering articles I’ve written here have been Chuck Norris vs Grant Imahara and some rules for a Mythbusters drinking game.  This being self declared Superhero month, however, I’ve decided that today, I’m going to inject some of my favorite comics characters into one of my favorite shows.  I ran into a problem however.  Find out what it was after the jump.

People who work with machines and science rarely become superheroes in the comics.  That’s just the sad truth.  I’m not saying it doesn’t happen (The Atom, The Flash, The Hulk, etc) And, the Mythbusters…well, a couple of them at least, look like they are all one industrial accident away from trying to kidnap the mayor of Gotham City.  So, that’s what I went with here.  Next week, look for a group of superheroes to be put together, in just this fashion, to take on this supervillain team in a metabrawl!  I’m not even going to hint about what shows I’m pulling them from either.  So, let’s get started, shall we.  In credit order from the show:

Am I bluuuuuuuuuue.....

I think I saw this guy in a Charmin commercial once.

1.  Adam Savage/The Creeper – What’s that you say?  The Creeper is a good guy?  True…but he hasn’t always been that way.  He’s batshit crazy (heh), and his origin has been played around with so much that you don’t quite know what you’re seeing when he shows up.  Just like Adam Savage!  I’m partial to the DC Animated Universe’s origin of him myself.  A TV reporter gets knocked into a vat of chemicals not unlike the accident that created The Joker, goes insane and begins to pester the world.  His superpowers seem to include surviving things that would kill most people, bouncing off the walls like a madman, and annoying the absolute shit out of the people around him.  Yeah…I think I’ve made a pretty good match here.  Can’t you just see it?!  I can!

BEST. MUGSHOT...EVER!

BEST. BACKSCRATCHER...EVER!

2.  Jamie Hyneman/Doctor Octopus – Just imagine it.  Jamie Hyneman building a super strong rig of multiple arms, crashing his way through the night to fight a superhero…moustache twitching in anticipation!   The usually reserved, coldly calculating Doc Ock has always been one of my favorite supervillains, and I think he fits Jamie to a tee.  I can see Jamie going insane while remaining stoic, building a completely unweildly rig of arms to accomplish things he cannot, but making it work.  Making it practical.  And, of course, he’d be the only one of the group strong enough to carry the damn things around.  I can see Jamie picking up Adam with his multiple metal arms and hurling him into the closest wall (Not at M5, of course, because he doesn’t want to clean THAT up!) while saying “Jamie want big boom!”.  Can’t you just see it?!  I can!

You think it's a toy? It's actually an automatic bank robber.

Yeah...that's Grant. You can tell from the maniacal pose.

3.  Grant Imahara/Toyman – Conventional wisdom would say for me to choose Robot Master from Spider-Man for Grant, but I just can’t pick an ancient, humorless man for him.  I’m going with Toyman, especially the version from Superman:  The Animated Series and Justice League Unlimited.  Sure, he’s on the creepy side, but look at some of the things he does!  He beats the crap out of Killer Frost (a woman with super ice powers…not unlike my grandmother’s deep freeze she keeps in the garage)with a yo-yo of all things!  He menaces Lois Lane and Superman with a giant robotic Tyrannosaurus Rex (Oh yeah…that’s Grant all over!), and he takes out 6 Parademons in JLU’s last episode with a Nerf Gun!  Unlike Grant, he’s creepy, but like Grant, he’s oddly dangerous in an almost childlike way.  And, he likes his toys!  Can’t you just see it?!  I can!

Clearly up to no good. I can appreciate it, man.

Hey! That's not what a shocker looks like! What's that? Ohhhhh.

4.  Tory Belleci/The Shocker – Yeah, I had a hard time with this, so I went with one of my favorite Spider-Man bad guys with the most suggestive name I could think of:  The Shocker!  Sure, in these later years, he’s kinda been turned into a joke, but earlier on, whenever Spider-Man came up against him, he was always careful.  Why?  Well, unlike most of Spider-Man’s villains, The Shocker would learn from his mistakes, and reconfigure his equipment for the next round.  Look at it this way…have you seen Tory try to ramp a bike over a wagon anymore?  No!  Plus, Tory seems to always be getting shocked on Mythbusters, through his own design or not.  I say, one more hit with the stun gun for Mr. Belleci, and you have a rage-filled supervillain on your hands!  Plus…I can totally see Tory hitting someone with a bolt of electricity and then throwing up the hand signal for…THE SHOCKER!  Can’t you just see it?!  I can!

Before you know it, she's stolen your wallet. And your heart.

The face of evil looks goooooood!

5.  Kari Byron/Harley Quinn – Sure, I wanted to go with a supervillain with red hair, but really, what do you got?  Poison Ivy?  Giganta?  They don’t really fit the Kari Byron bill.  Plus, Kari’s love of big guns has been made pretty clear on Mythbusters, so, why not a gun weilding psychopath for the part?  Why not Harley Quinn?!  I can hear you thinking (I can, you know…so be careful) that Harley is nothing more than The Joker’s girl Friday.  Not so, I say.  She’s formidable enough that Batman gives her a wide berth when he can.  That’s a big enough endorsement for me.  Also, Harley beat the stuffing out of Catwoman in Hush (the single best Batman story of all time…take THAT Dark Knight Returns!) so she’s dangerous enough for the part.  Plus, how good would Kari look in that harlequin getup?  Sorry to have gone there, but, it’s true!  I can just imagine that on the show, they give her a gun big enough to drive her crazy (in the best possible way, of course), and then she puts on the costume (made herself, of course), and begins menacing heavily populated areas!  Look out, San Francisco!  Can’t you just see it?!  I can!

Now, clearly, I’ve taken some liberties here, but just wait until you get the whole picture.  Next week, we’ll meet the superteam that hopes to take down this hive of scum and villainy!  (To the Mythbusters…I don’t think you’re scum or villains…well, not most of you, but I was just trying to write something funny!  Don’t sue me, or then we’ll be introduced to the worst villains ever.  Lawyers.)

See you next week!

Six Bad Men. Yeah, I'm not the best with team names.

In accordance with April being self chosen Superhero Month, here’s a few videos to take up some time.  They’re all superhero themed, and one of my favorite ever fanfilms is in the mix.  Some JLU and Spectacular Spider-Man fill out the bill, but since there are copyrighted videos, you might want to look quick.  Let’s have a look at today’s Streaming Internet Theater, after the jump!

A few years ago, superfan Sandy Collora put together this wonderfully made Batman fan film that includes some interesting feature parts from some of science fiction’s nastier creatures.  Also of note, this Dead End stars the recently deceased Andrew Koenig with a masterful performance as The Joker.   Here’s Dead End:

Didn’t that kick ass?! Of course, being the dutiful Justice League Unlimited fan that I am, I couldn’t let this little bit of kickass slide by.  Here’s Wally West, The Flash, proving that he has what it takes to sit at the big boy Superhero table once and for all:

I think that the Saturday morning cartoon Spectacular Spider-Man is underrated.  It’s a wonderfully fun show that has managed to keep my interest even while it tampers with some of Peter’s background.  If you get a chance, give it a look.  Here’s Spider-Man taking on one of my favorite villain syndicates, The Sinister Six:

Not what I had in mind. At all.

The superhero has got to have the right kicks for the right job.  Granted, some of them…well, they just don’t.  Lady superheroes…I’m looking at you here.  Now, I’m not trying to get anyone up in arms here.  These are the costumes that I like, and I stand by them.  There’s only one non-comic one on the list.  There may be a couple missing that you think should be on here, and, that’s okay.  No problem.  It wouldn’t be a ManWithPez list if it didn’t piss off at least one person.  Some of these are pretty specific to certain books, and I’ll list as is comes up.  Some of my favorite costumes for superheroes after the jump.

That man...that Spider-Man means business. He's also friendly.

1.  Spider-Man – He’s my favorite superhero, and, to me there is no more iconic costume than Spider-Man’s.  You see the man in this costume, and you know what he’s all about up front.  (Well, maybe not wrestling, as that’s what the clothes were made for).  Peter Parker has complained that his costume doesn’t offer a whole lot of protection, from beatdowns or the elements.  At least he’s not wearing his Stark designed red and gold anymore.  That was a hot mess, I thought.  Before he left Spider-Man, writer J. Michael Stracynisky and artist John Romita Jr. posited that the Spider-Man of the future would have a different costume.  We even saw an early design of it after issue #500, where it was introduced.  Frankly, I just kinda hope things don’t go down that path, because I love Spider-Man’s look (Take THAT Venom!).

Hmmm...I wonder who this is? Oh...his name's on his shirt.

2.  Superman – I’m not the biggest Superman fan around.  You can ask anyone.  Okay, don’t do that, because they don’t know me, and you just don’t know what might come out of their mouth on the subject.  Again, this is one of the more iconic looks in all of popular fiction, and it’s a well designed costume, with Kal-El’s Kryptonian name right on the front of his shirt…you know…like a janitor would have.  Frankly, the red underpants on the outside probably need a rethinking, but, I’m not above wearing such things myself, so, why wouldn’t the alien with a heart of gold wear the same thing.  I had to include it here, because everyone, EVERYONE knows this costume.  Even people who’ve never heard of Superman.  It’s just that well known.

Sometimes, I'm not sure Spider-Man made the right choice in girlfriends.

3.  Black Cat – Switching back to Spider-Man for a moment, I’ve got to give it up to Felicia Hardy and her sexy, though oddly practical cat burgling costume.  Yeah, I don’t know what the white fur on it is about either, but I know she looks hot in it.  Beyond that, however, she looks like she’d boot your ass for you, too.  And, probably make you feel good about yourself as she did so.  It’s a nice costume with clean lines that’s just impractical enough that you know this particular character would wear it.  So, I’m going with Black Cat over Catwoman in the better costume department.  Just have Kevin Smith leave the character alone, and we’ll all be happy about it.

Vvvvvrrrrooooooommmm!!!!

4.  The Flash – My third favorite hero ever is in touch with the Speed Force, and has outrun a laser beam at one point.  And, in this connotation, I’m talking Wally West’s Flash.  There are differences in his and Barry Allen’s Flash costumes, but, they are subtle.  At first glance, with it’s gold ear pieces and odd chest insignia, it seems like it would be the goofiest thing to wear in a fight.  But, with blur lines and lightning flowing all about from the Speed Force, this costume becomes a force to be reckoned with.  As does the person wearing it.  And…it folds up into a compartment no bigger than a class ring.  Which bears the question…when someone in touch with the Speed Force changes in such a fashion…are they just hanging it out there naked for a microsecond?  Enquiring minds want to know.  Okay, I want to know…and I’m not all that enquiring.

An elegant superhero for a more civilized age.

5.  Mr. Incredible (Old costume) – I’m not talking about the red/black/yellow costume the whole family ends up with in the film.  I’m talking about the kitschy, 60s, art deco looking thing that he tools around in the beginning of the movie in.  Of course, once he wears it while overweight, it looks ridiculous, but what superhero costume couldn’t you say that about.  I really like the colors on his old suit, with the black and the blue.  The mask is a bit much, but, hey…you’ve got to protect that secret identity somehow.  Then again, Bob Parr is HUGE!  How could anyone not know it was him in that getup?  Except maybe Clark Kent.

Would be more badass if my girlfriend would finish making hers.

6.  Wonder Girl (Armor from Wonder Girl mini) – While I’m not always the biggest fan of the character (she’s kinda batshit…literally!  Take that as you will) I’ve always liked her normal costume.  The oddly practical jeans and tanktop look.  In her miniseries that came out a few years ago, though, Cassie Sandsmark was given a badass set of armor that complimented her without taking away from the Wonder Family she’s categorically a part of.  I would love for that costume to become Wonder Girl’s go to costume, but, to date, the only thing she’s changed since getting it is adding long sleeves to her everyday jeans look.  Still, a man can dream, can’t he.  Wait…I didn’t mean he could dream about a teenage girl in armor…Oh bother.

He's so punk, he's got a metal mohawk!

7.  The Rocketeer – This harkens back to why I liked the Mr. Incredible super suit so much.  Cliff Secor’s getup, however, is much more practical.  Leather jacket…that somehow keeps his ass from lighting up with a giant rocket mounted on his back, and that goofy looking, though again, practical helmet that looks like a hood ornament.  The giant fin on the helmet is meant to be a rudder, so he turns in whatever direction his head is turned in.  For all that, though, I just like the way the thing looks.  It’s a beautiful costume that instantly takes you back in time when you see it. 

Ohhhhh shit!

8.  Green Lantern (Kingdom Come) – Alan Stewart, the oldest of the surviving Green Lanterns, is given quite the upgrade in his look in the ultimate Elseworld tale that tells one possible future of the DC universe (since written off as occurring on an alternate earth).  His armor might look bulky, but he certainly knows how to use it, and I like the idea of a Green Lantern in a knight in armor look.  He even fashions a sword or lance or whatever the hell that thing was he had with him all the time.  I’m unaware of the specifics of how his ring works in Kingdom Come, but typically, this GL’s ring was magic based.  I’m sure there’s an explanation for all this in Kingdom Come which I haven’t read in years, but if you really want to know, ask @cootsdaddy , an old friend, comics afficionado, and forever champion of the Green Lantern.

That posture CAN'T be comfortable.

9.  Nightwing – Oh, we’re in the shit, now, ain’t we?  How on earth could I include an ex-Robin on this list, and not Batman?  Well, I’ll get to that in a moment.  With it’s nice clean lines and given the fact that he can glide with it, it’s a nice change from his Robin days.  However, that’s not to say that Dick Grayson didn’t run into trouble with the original Nightwing suit.  The goddamn thing had FEATHERS on it for chrissake?!  Dick is an acrobat and a fighter, and I like the look of this costume.  It suits him, it seems to scare criminals in Bludhaven, and it does call to mind Dick’s history with the Batfamily, no matter if he wants to own up to that legacy or not. 

That's right Booster. Flex it out...for the ladies. Awwww yeah.

10.  Booster Gold – I absolutely adore the hell out of Booster Gold’s goofy costume!  And, if you’re a reader of his comic book, you find out in issue 3, after Booster’s gotten a little drunk, that he once had a cape, and that asshole Superman just ripped it off him!  For all that, however, I like the colorscheme, and I like the incorporation of the goggles and the star.  It’s just the kind of thing you’d expect someone who used to have corporate sponsorship to wear.  Along with using his costume to advertise, it also protects him.  Not his sense of propiety, of course, but him, himself.  Now, he’s THE GREATEST HERO NO ONE’S HEARD OF!  That goes counter to the character as introduced, but it’s a nice look on him, just like his costume.

So, there’s a couple of things to think about, huh?  Why isn’t Batman on this list?  I’ll tell you.  Everytime I see Batman, all I can think is that his costume must weigh 900lbs, what with all the shit he stores in it.  In a fight, I’ll take Bruce Wayne over almost anyone on this list, but that batcostume has to be the most impractical thing in history.  There are several other superheros out there whose costumes I enjoy seeing.  For instance, Vigilante, Black Canary, Wolverine, Iron Man, Superboy, and Robin, just to name a few.  But, I chose ten, and ten I’m sticking with.  Besides, you can always write a story from another time and call is 1602, or Elseworlds, or M2 and make whatever changes to the costume that you want.  It’s worked wonders over the years.  Anyways…see you around!

I can't be the only one that wants to push him in that pool.

Mr. Shyamalan…we have to talk.  As you might have guessed, we’re going to be talking about your next movie, The Last Airbender.  By all indications, this looks to be a decent movie, but I’m going to need more than that from you this time.  I need you, like Maverick in Top Gun, to pull up before you hit the hard deck.  And no buzzing the tower, either.  More on this after the jump.

You’ve had a checkered past, Mr. Wunderkind director.  For me, I think the beginning was rocky, myself.  Sure, there are those out there that say The Sixth Sense is one of the better horror films ever made.  Well, I’m not here to stroke your ego.  It’s overrated.  It’s not a bad film, and there are some genuine thrills to be had, but it’s that one movie, and it’s ending (it’s predictable ending to anyone with two eyes…sorry one eyed people out there) that has set you up for some really hard falls later in your career.  Blah blah twist blah.  That’s not a winning formula, man. 

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that your next film, Unbreakable, was enjoyable.  At least, to me it was.  It’s the only movie in the last twenty years that I could say was too short (well…maybe Zombieland, but that’s got nothing to do with this.)  I could have stood another half hour of Bruce Willis’s exploits in that movie.  And, yes, there was a  twist in that one, but again, not an unguessable one.  I can, and do recommend that movie.  Signs was a different story.  Not a horrible film, but just a little too busy for the story, I though.  But, I liked Signs.  Mostly because I like stories where the end parts are sitting out in the open, but they have to be applied correctly.  Yes, the aliens trying to come to a planet that’s mostly water when it’s their only weakness is a bit on the stupid side, but again, strong performances and the general look of the movie appealed to me.  Sure, there was plenty of bad there, but there was a lot of good. 

The Village, however, gets a little stickier.  Had your precious twist ending been left off, it would have been a much more serviceable movie.  Now, I’m not stating that mine is the only…or even the only good opinion.  Far from it.  With the exception of Adrian Brody, you managed to get some decent performances out of some decent actors.  In the end, the ending let me down, because it felt so unnecessary.

Then, things really start to go downhill.  I’ve not seen all of Lady in the Water.  Mostly because what I have seen is downright atrocious.   I can’t speak intelligently on the film, because I can’t sit through it, but I’m willing to bet that’s not a good sign.  I won’t bash it endlessly here, either.  That’s been done.  Likewise for The Happening.  I’ll tell you this about that movie, though.  Where do you get off making a movie that’s ten times worse than the trailer (by all accounts.  Again, I can’t sit through it).  The TRAILER for The Happening was so badass!  But, that’s two big strikes against you, and the lob you’ve been served up in The Last Airbender better not be strike three.

I know this is a nothing blog, and my opinion amounts to little to nothing in the scheme of things.  The trailer for The Last Airbender looks awesome, and that gives me pause.  The trailers for The Village, Lady in the Water, and The Happening were all very, very good.  The movies, not so much.  That your last three movies were panned doesn’t bother me.  But, you are messing with a very important property…at least in this house, Avatar has been important.  I like the look of things so far, but I liked the look The Happening too.  You’re not known for family movies, or adapting other people’s works.  So, I’m still trying to figure out what underdwelling diety you sold your soul to to make this movie.  I need things from this movie, and I need you to deliver them.  I wouldn’t have choosen you as a director, but that’s already done.

If you give us a rotten egg in the ruined corpse of a movie in the form of one of my favorite TV shows, we’re going to have a problem.  Not a stalk/letterbomb/stabby problem, but a problem.  You will become the constant butt of my jokes in a way that Chuck Norris has yet to feel around here.  I’ll never watch, or allow any member of my family to watch another one of your movies.  That you’ve turned out a great trailer, I think, is pretty good first step.  Then that comes on the heels that you’re interested in directing one of the Twilight movies?  Do you know what the term ”backslide” means?  Don’t fuck this up!  Give me a good Avatar movie, and you can go shoot gay porn…sorry, Twilight movies until your hat floats. 

I know these words carry little threat, but you’ve managed to thoroughly piss me off in the last few years, and now you have the reins of The Last Airbender.  Just try…please try to get it right.  That is all.

Ohhh...so that's where rollergirls come from.

I’ve fallen a little behind in my postings.  Perhaps it’s because I’m getting older.  Perhaps it’s because my daughter’s getting older.  Both are reasons to be driven to distraction, but I’m trying to get on top of things again.  I have to say that it was easier to find daddies and their girls than it was to find fathers and sons.  Maybe because the dynamic offers so many ways to be more dramatic.  It’s like my father told me when he found out I was having a daughter “When you have a son, all you have to worry about is that one boy.  When you have a daughter, you have to worry about all the other boys out there.”  Right or wrong,  fathers and daughters in popular media make for compelling viewing.  Some of my favorites after the jump.

Young lady! As soon as you stop wallcrawling...you're grounded!

10.   Peter and May Parker – I guess we should start with a somewhat obscure one.  From the M2 Marvel Universe comes the future of the Spider-Man franchise, with Spider-Girl!   The reason I liked the book so much is that May Parker showed something that Spider-Man had been missing for years.  She had all the troubles of a super-hero coupled with the problems of being a teenage girl.  And, I need my Spider comic book to center on someone who’s having problems.  Spider-Man is still around, but he’s missing a leg, and constantly worried about his little girl, who, it turns out, is just as compentent as her old man.  If you get the chance to read it, you could do a lot worse than checking out Spider-Girl.

Whoa...great haircuts all around for these two, huh?

9.  John Kramer (Jigsaw) and Amanda Young – Is there not a more twisted father/daughter relationship anywhere?  John Kramer, or Jigsaw is a serial killer with a different take on things.  He engineers traps for those he feels are wasting their lives.  In the end, they end up killing themselves (usually through inaction) trying to escape his traps.  In the first film, the only survivor shown onscreen is Amanda Young, who was apparently so happy to still be alive that she joined Jigsaw as his apprentice.  The relationship plays out through several movies, but the main point is Amanda’s fierce loyalty to John.  A quality, you’ll find, that he brings out in a lot of people.

Do as you're told, or I'll touch your daemon!

8.  Lord Azrael and Lyra Belacqua – In the His Dark Materials trilogy, this pair are probably the furthest from an actual father/daughter team that y0u’ll see on this list.  Lyra goes through most of the first book not knowing who her father is, and when she tries to rescue him at the end of the book, he repays her by killing her best friend.  What an asshole.  He doesn’t acknowledge her as anything but a nuiscance until the last book, when he begins to see her worth, and gives his life to further hers.  You’ll notice I’m not mentioning Lyra’s mother Mrs. Coulter…mostly because she’s such a bitch, but a least she has a heart, something Lord Azrael can’t claim.

Yes...this was the BEST picture I could find.

7.  Angelo and Lisa Provolone – Oscar is one of my favorite underrated films.  I love everyone’s performance in it, including Sylvester Stallone’s.  What?  I’m not ashamed!   Playing his daughter Lisa is Marisa Tomei, and the ONLY character who isn’t impressed that Angelo is a bigtime gangster.  When Lisa lays a pregnancy scare on Angelo, he must find the father, the exchaffeur Oscar.  That’s just a small part of the movie, and if you haven’t seen it, you might me missing something you could fall in love with.  I’ll say this for these two.  It’s more than a little funny to watch Angelo give to his daughter all the grief that his father gave to him.

If Agent Smith were your dad, you'd be a badass, too.

6.  Elrond and Arwen – Confession time, I suppose.  I haven’t read all of The Lord of the Rings.  However, I’ve read The Hobbit several times.  One of the cooler characters shown is Elrond, who immediately commands respects from the ragtag group of stingy ass dwarves.  In the Lord of the Rings films, Elrond’s daughter Arwen is shown what I’m given to understand is a bigger role than in the books.   She’s pretty badass, all told.  At least in the first movie.  After that, she’s kinda the reason I fastforward through the elf scenes.   Whoa!  Was that another confession?  Shit…I’m going to lose my nerd card after all that.  The last scene with these two together in it, though, where Elrond is handing her off to Aragorn?  That shit gets me everytime!

A true argument for birth control.

5.  Lestat de Lioncourt and Claudia – The Vampire Lestat, bastard that he is, helps create a vampire from of his protege Louis’s victims.  A six year old little girl named Claudia.  Lestat loves her like a daughter early on, while she still learns from him how to kill, etc.  That’s the only real beauty in Interview With The Vampire, and you have to read other books to find out.  Interview is told from Louis’s point of view, and the later book are all from Lestat.  You can’t be certain of anything you’re reading, all told.  Claudia finds a way to rid herself and Louis of Lestat, and she gives it the old college try, but Lestat eventually finds them, and with a little help from Armand, manages to rid his world of the sixty-odd year old woman in a six year old’s body.  In other books, you discover that he’s filled with remorse about this.

My, what a big book you've got there, grandma.

4.  Rupert Giles and Buffy Summers – Speaking of vampires, the second pair on this list that isn’t blood related are a pair of vampire killers!  Giles, the Watcher and Buffy, the Slayer have a mission in life.  Just one.  Rid the world of evil when they can.  Buffy’s quite good at it too, but she needs help and training from librarian Giles.  But, that’s not all she needs.  You see, unlike other characters I’ve talked about, it’s implicitly stated that Buffy’s biological father is still around, he just doesn’t seem that interested in her or her troubles.  When Buffy needs a father, she turns to Giles, and he provides that role in spades.   The great thing about Giles, however, is that while he does what he can to ease Buffy’s life, he’s not above making things difficult for her as an object lesson, and more often than not, she’s a better person for it.

Mmmmm...pi. Er, pie.

3.  Homer and Lisa Simpson – Have you ever noticed, on The Simpsons, that most of the familial relationships in the show are father/daughter and mother/son?  Rarely do you get an episode which focuses on what’s going on between Bart and Homer that doesn’t devolve into strangling of some sort.   And, when Lisa and Homer are at odds, it makes me uncomfortable, much like when Bart and Marge don’t get along.  Lisa makes allowances for her father’s lowered IQ, and Homer finds a way to, at time, impart some much needed worldweariness to his daughter, who, I think, will live up to all his expectations of her.  One day, she will be president and win the Nobel prize in kickboxing. Homer and Lisa’s relationship has, through the years, provided the show with a center that would have been missed, had it not been present.

The only person who can call her Jean and get away with it.

2.  Atticus and Jean Louise (Scout) Finch – To Kill A Mockingbird may well be the only book that I was forced to read that I was happy about.  So far as a piece of literature goes, it paints a southern tableau of Americana and has joined the ranks of popular media as one of the best stories ever produced by this or any other country.  At the heart of this is the relationship between it’s most memorable character, aging lawyer Atticus Finch, and the narrator, his daughter, Scout.  The story of racial injustice is as compelling as anything else you might read in your life, but the hook that makes certain you stay to hear the message is how good a father Atticus is to Scout and her older brother Jem.   There’s a reason that Atticus Finch is the American Film Institute’s number 1 hero of all time, and it’s a privilege to see him through his daughter’s eyes, making him larger than life, and yet still familiar as a human being.

Bet you can't tell which one is which, huh?

1.  Keith and Veronica Mars – Yes, I struggled about this, I certainly did.  So, how did a pair from a cancelled UPN teenage girl detective show beat out the greatest popular hero of our times?  The answer is that I know these two.  When you watch Veronica Mars, a show that is easily as complex as Twin Peaks was, without being nearly as confusing, you get the sense that you know disgraced sheriff turned local private investigator Keith Mars and his daughter Veronica.   He knows his daughter’s limitations, he treats her like a person, and he guides her through life, ultimately providing her with a setting in which she can make her own decisions.   Not all of them are the right decisions, but you can bet when Veronica does something wrong, it’s her father’s voice she hears in her head.  Through the first season, the question of Veronica’s paternity comes up, and when that was resolved, it still remains one of my favorite single scenes in TV history.  I can’t recommend this show highly enough, and not simply because both Kevin Smith and Joss Whedon act in the second season.

Well, there’s ten pairs of fathers and daughters for you to think about.  Again, with this list, much like other, there was plenty of source material, and I will revisit this someday.  Of course, this was done for my daughter’s birthday, and while I hope that she one day grows up and ignores most of what I had to say here, I hope she can remember that I love her, and I always wanted the best for her.  Y’know…just like Keith Mars!