ManWithPez

If this is as pissed as she gets, consider it a blessing.

As previously mentioned, ThatWeirdGirl and I were married during the time I’ve been away from this website.  It was an awesome wedding, too.  I’m sure your invitation just got lost in the mail or something.  The funny thing about weddings is that they place all their participants on a hair trigger.  Why do you think the groom gets so smashed the night before, or even the day of the wedding?  Why is the bride ready to snap and pounce on the first person who comes to her with a logisitical problem?  These people, these laid back, normal people have been so stress filled that they are as ready to pop as a pinata at a shitty toddler’s birthday party.  Can you annoy them?  Easily!  Should you?  My answer’s yes, but then again, I’m a dick.  Ten ways to annoy people at a wedding after the jump.

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Sure, she's on the hot side, but can she be as annoyed as she is annoying? That's the question.

Ah, college.  The bastion of higher learning that it would seem society demands we go through in order to make our lives complete. Whether or not you agree with the following statement, let me tell you that having been a college student at the right time (19) and the wrong time (33), it is a stressful time, no matter how old you are.  That being said, it should be fairly easy to annoy your average college student.  Let’s take a look after the jump, shall we? (more…)

Oh God! Make it STOP!!!

I shouldn’t be doing this.  I’m letting you all peek under tha armor a little too much this time.  Then again, anyone who has read this site much probably knows all about how to annoy the living hell out of me.  Here’s a list concerning the things you might not have seen yet. (more…)

The truth's the truth. You can await my young adult series "Go Fuck Yourself" being published any day now.

Okay, it’s been pretty obvious that I can’t stand the cultural phenomenon that has become Twilight.  However, I never knew I would draw as much ire over it as I have.  Twilight sucks, and really, that’s all there is to it.  It’s fans though, are another matter altogether.  Having been immersed in science fiction/fantasy/horror fandom for years and I’ve been around Star Wars fanatics, Trekkies, Browncoats, Whedonites, etc, etc, etc…and I’ve never seen anything to match the hatefulness and spitefulness of these Twihards.  So, let’s get started poking the hornet’s nest one more time!

1.  Walk up to someone wearing a Team Jacob shirt and ask ‘What’s it like to have to hots for someone who probably has fleas?”

2.  If you ever happen to see Edward Cullen out and about, ask him if he’s tired from mentally abusing his underage girlfriend.  It must be hard work, after all.

3.  Slap Bella across the face.  I don’t have anything to add to that.  That bitch needs a good slappin’.  Then again, she’d probably fall in love with you for it.

4.  If you meet someone who has named their children after someone from this series…kill them.  Their children are better off as orphans after their parents have clearly tried to stunt their emotional growth in such a way.

5.  Ask Edward Cullen if he feels ashamed for not being able to pull off hair product like Angel without looking totally gay.

6.  See if you can boil water on a collection of the Twilight werewolves, because they’re so hot (temperature wise).  When you fail to do so, tell them all to put on a fucking shirt already.

7.  See if you can menace one of the Cullen with a pair of plastic vampire fangs.  When you accomplish this (and you will), say “See!  It’s not that hard to be a scary vampire!”

8.  Just mention that you don’t like Twilight.  When whatever twi-fan is hanging around you starts on their normal bullshit, say “It’s not because I didn’t give it a chance.  It just sucks.”  Leave while they’re trying to convince you.

9.  Go to see Eclipse.  Turn to the person next to you and loudly say “So, where’s Gary Busey?  Isn’t he in this movie?  Doesn’t he have a silver bullet?”  Then go home and take a shower to wash your sins away.  Even if you went to see it as a joke, you’ve still seen it.

10.  The next positive review from some lame ass Twihard about Eclipse you hear, grab the front of their shirt and scream in their face “IT’S A SHITTY MOVIE BASED ON A FUCKING TERRIBLE BOOK SERIES!  IT’S NEVER GOING TO BE GOOD!!!  EVER!!!” 

Personally, if I hadn’t had trouble with friends, old acquaintances, family, etc, giving me shit for disliking this terrible thing, I wouldn’t have written this.  It is a simple fact that I will never, ever like this.  I gave it a chance, and came away thoroughly disappointed.  So, please, save it.  I don’t care what you have to say about Twilight.  In my opinion, it’s fucking terrible, and will always be that way.  End of story.

It’s no secret that I really, really hate Twilight.  I feel it important as a father to say that my children, not so much.  They were more than willing to shoot this parody video for me, which first started written life without them in it, and had a much darker, but equally comic tone.  I’m very proud of both my kids in this one, and once again, the camera caught me as director, bitching at everyone about how terrible their acting was, while blowing every one of my lines and turning in a lackluster performance.  We’re still pretty happy with the finished product, however, and hope you find it as funny as we did.  I present Sonlight.

Aww..how cute, and utterly annoying.

Okay, maybe finding new ways to annoy iconic comic book characters wasn’t the best way I could have spent my time, but damn it, I’m a nerd, and that’s just how I roll.  Now that my Superhero time is done, let’s get back to the basics of simply annoying our fellow man (or woman…it’s suprisingly easy to annoy women)!  I’m a big fan of annoying people.  Mostly people they annoy the hell out of me beforehand!  Anyways, let’s get to it.  Ten new ways to annoy people after the jump. (more…)

Strip by Scott Kurtz. Pretending That Kurtz Isn't An Asshole by ManWithPez.

Face it!  Bruce Wayne has it coming, and not just the Goddamn Batman version of him, either!  He’s just so damn smug and confident in himself and his intellect, and you just want to slap the everlovin’ shit out of him.  Maybe that’s just me, though.  Batman…he’s awful hard to fool, but I’ve noticed something about the character.  In his race to prove to the world that’s he a big hardass, he’s revealed that he’s very, very easily annoyed.  So, come with me, and let’s discuss different ways to annoy Batman, after the jump. (more…)

I'd be upset too, if I suddenly realized I had inadvertently put a Gay Pride Triangle on my armor.

Tony Stark is a pretty mellow guy, when he’s not being harangued by his inner-demons, that is.  He’s a brilliant engineer and inventor, but he’s also a bit arrogant, and more than a bit alcoholic.  Hey, if I could drink and fly around in my kick-ass metal suit and blow shit up all day, you’d never hear from my fat ass again!  That being said, I’m certain there are ways to piss him off.  Here’s the best ten I could think of.  (Okay, here’s the fastest ten I could think of…you happy now?!) (more…)

Truer words, my friends. This is how awful shit really gets started.

I can’t really understand most supervillains in comics.  I mean, apparently over in Gotham City, all it takes is losing your job to drive most people over the edge into killing people left and right for no reason other than they’re just pissed off.  So, I imagine that you have to tread lightly around them.  You never know when minor annoyance is going to lead to “Off with his head!”  or some other horrible consequence of being annoying.   I, for one, like that I’m alive, and want to keep my body parts functioning.  Then again, these are all fake people, so screw em!  I mean, who are you really going to piss off by talking shit about comic book supervillains?  What’s that?  Oh…anyone who’d ever come to this site on their own.  Gotcha.  How to annoy supervillains after the jump. (more…)

Bad pets? Maybe. Bad Photoshop? Definitely.

Let’s get it out in the open.  I don’t own any animals.  No cats, no dogs, and no escargot.  I find the children I have to be enough animals in the house, thanks.  For all that, however, (and my cat hate has been thoroughly documented on this site.) whenever I did have any pets, I went out of my way to make sure their existence was as stress free as it could be.  It is insanely easy to annoy your pets, however, and since I’ve made it my mission in life to annoy to the utmost, here’s a handy guide on how to piss off your pets.  Bear in mind, however, that your typical fur people have sharp teeth and claws.  Another reason I don’t keep them in the house.  Ten New Ways to Annoy Your Pets after the jump. (more…)