Ten New Ways to Annoy People: Welcome Back, Annoyance!Tuesday, June 8th, 2010
Okay, maybe finding new ways to annoy iconic comic book characters wasn’t the best way I could have spent my time, but damn it, I’m a nerd, and that’s just how I roll. Now that my Superhero time is done, let’s get back to the basics of simply annoying our fellow man (or woman…it’s suprisingly easy to annoy women)! I’m a big fan of annoying people. Mostly people they annoy the hell out of me beforehand! Anyways, let’s get to it. Ten new ways to annoy people after the jump.
1. Empty someone’s sunblock bottle, and replace it with a mixture of vegetable oil and horseradish. Sunburn and spicy goodness is a winning combination.
2. When your server brings you a mint with your check at a restaurant, refuse to pay it if the mint is not “wafer thin“.
3. The next time you’re at church, see if you can exchange a hymn for a hardcore rap song, ala Bart Simpson and his replacement of a hymn with Iron Butterfly’s “Innagaddadavida“. Replacing cursewords with holy words IS acceptable in this case.
4. Dress like a witch/wizard from Harry Potter and run around with a stick placing spells on people. For no reason whatsoever. Bonus points for doing this in full robes in the blazing sun.
5. Buy a watermelon and some M-80s and head to the Gallagher show. Show him how to REALLY deal with a melon.
6. Head to the local bar and do a shot for every celebrity that’s bitten the dust this year. If you should happen to throw up, curse the name of John Forsythe as much as possible. (Not because he’s bad, but because you were stupid enough to try this, and he did die this year.)
7. Dress like a typical opera performer, with the metal breastplate and horned helmet and head out grocery shopping. If someone asks you if you’re an opera singer, say “No.” and walk away.
8. Fake pictures of yourself on the Grassy Knoll. Hang them in your house.
9. See if you can reenact the movie “Duel” with the local ice cream man. In case you’re wondering, you’re the killer truck in this scenario.
10. Head to see your biggest local baseball team play. When someone hits a homerun, jump up and yell “TOUCHDOWN”! Then try to explain to the people around you that you were making a joke. Explain this for the rest of the game.