ManWithPez

Superman just before he delivers a global slap to Norris.

First thing, I haven’t written a “vs Chuck Norris” piece in FOREVER!  Second, I know that the comic book stuff was supposed to end at the end of May.  Well, besides just being a lazy git, I’ve experienced some minor technical difficulties, and ManWithPez has suffered for that reason.  Well, I had some pieces that, like THE MUSIC, I just had to get out of me.  This one:  Superman vs Chuck Norris is one that I’ve had on my mind for some time, and I just need you assholes…sorry…you people to read it!  So, for your perusal, Superman, the original American (though…alien, you know) Boyscout, vs Chuck Norris…the original Texas Ranger.  Let’s see it play out, after the jump!

1.  Look!  Up in the sky!  It’s a bird!  It’s a plane!  Oh dear…it’s the floating corpse of Chuck Norris after Superman knocked his dumb ass into orbit.

2.  It’s Smallville, Kansas vs Texas in a Battle Royale for the ages!  It’s…it’s….Oh shit.  It’s over already.  See you in Hell, Chuck Norris.

3.  Chuck Norris tried to punch Superman with the fist hidden under his beard.  You know what that led to?  Broken beard-first knuckles.

4.  Superman has teamed up with Batman several times to stop the end of the world, amongst other thing.  Chuck Norris teamed up with Sammo Hung a couple times.  Probably to accost a buffet or some shit.

5.  Chuck Norris came at Superman with a hunk of Kryptonite, so Superman countered with Chuck Norris’s greatest weakness:  Low ratings.

6.  Sidekicks!  Well, let’s take a look, shall we?  Superman has Superboy, Krypto, Supergirl, etc, etc.  Chuck Norris has suicidal Jonathan Brandis.   Winner:  SUPERMAN!

7.  Chuck Norris is best known for his roundhouse kick.  Superman is known for his flying ’round the world to change time.  I think Superman might have this one in the bag.

8.  Superman’s greatest nemesis is supergenius Lex Luthor.  Chuck Norris’s greatest nemesis is old age.  Sorry to hear you’ve turned 70, you old bastard!

9.   Superman is the reason that Chuck Norris went Missing in Action in the first place.

10.  The only person that Lois Lane might consider boning besides Superman is Batman.  Let’s just say that Chuck Norris is NO Batman.

Yeeeeah…I kinda apologize for number 6, but not that much because I was forced to watch the utter shitfest that was Sidekicks!

Tags: Chuck Norris, Superman, Versus

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010 at 8:30 am and is filed under Celebrity, Comics, Versus. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.