Top Ten Ways to Annoy Batman
Tuesday, June 1st, 2010
Strip by Scott Kurtz. Pretending That Kurtz Isn't An Asshole by ManWithPez.
Face it! Bruce Wayne has it coming, and not just the Goddamn Batman version of him, either! He’s just so damn smug and confident in himself and his intellect, and you just want to slap the everlovin’ shit out of him. Maybe that’s just me, though. Batman…he’s awful hard to fool, but I’ve noticed something about the character. In his race to prove to the world that’s he a big hardass, he’s revealed that he’s very, very easily annoyed. So, come with me, and let’s discuss different ways to annoy Batman, after the jump.
1. Replace the pointy bat ears on Batman’s mask with fuzzy white rabbit ears. See how long it takes him to figure it out.
2. Tell the Joker that Batman is really Alfred Pennyworth. You know…close to the mark, but not quite a bullseye. Stick around to see Batman’s reaction to having the Joker in stately Wayne Manor.
3. The next time you see Batman with Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl, BatWoman, Huntress, Catwoman, or any number of other Batfamily, ask him if there’s just too much crime for him to handle on his own.
4. Ask Bruce what he’s going to do for Mother/Father’s Day.
5. Feed Ace, The Bathound a pound of laxative and set him loose in the Batcave.
6. Ask Batman if the Batmobile is so big because he’s compensating for something besides the death of his parents.
7. Tell Robin wit in earshot of Batman that it’s okay to reveal if Batman has engaged in a Bat-Touch in a bad way.
8. Secretly (Good luck!) glue Batman’s cape to his BatBoots. See how far he can run THEN!
9. Give the Goddamn Batman (or any Frank Miller version of Batman, really) a cookie and a glass of milk and tell him it’s going to be okay. You might want to run. That particular Batman isn’t picky about killing people.
10. Create a storyline where Bruce’s mom was a crack whore, Bruce’s father was a drug dealer, and Alfred was really Bruce’s father, with Bruce being conceived during a gangbang. Oh wait…scratch that…it’s been done. (You might want to avoid the last two years of Batman comics, by the way.)
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