Hot Nerd Crush: Poison Ivy and Professor X
Monday, May 31st, 2010
Oh yeah! The Poison Ivy Pinup!
For our last Hot Nerd Crush of May, and the last comic hot ones we’ll be looking at….oh, for quite some time, let’s take a look at a Batman bad girl and the leader of the X-Men. Both of them have quite unique abilities, but one has a festering hatred for men, and the other…well, he’s a man. Besides playing for opposite comic book teams, they have little in common, other than the odd ability to pull high class tail despite the fact that the two of them do have rather odd appearances (Green and bald parapalegic, respectively). Ladies and gentlemen (Yeah…like either one of those demographics come to THIS site), I present Poison Ivy and Professor X after the jump.
Pamela Isley, better known as Poison Ivy in the Batman universe is a bad, bad girl. She was once a hot, young botanist in love, until her lover (The Floronic Man. No shit! Way to pick em, there, Pamela.) tried to poison her with plant toxins. Ivy discovered that she is immune to all poisons and toxins, deciding to use them against everyone else in her agenda of keeping the world as natural as possible. See, that’s the real problem with this chick. She’s not really that bad of a person. At least, her goals aren’t bad. She, of course, coming from Gotham City, is batshit crazy. Using her knowledge of plant toxins, she develops a lipstick (no shit), and anyone she kisses while wearing it is under her control. It’s been seen working on Batman, Catwoman (HOT!)….even Superman. Despite the silliness of her usual modus operandi (Oh shit! Killer dandelions! RUN!), whenever she’s on the scene, people are more than a little intimidated by her. Mostly because human beings mean exactly dick to her when compared to the importance of plant life. She does weild a wrist mounted crossbow, and you can guess what she coats the tips of the arrows with. Different artists depict her different ways, but I like the green skinned Orion slave girl version of her. Mostly because in this guise, it seems so odd that someone would just make out with a green chick…but they must have at some time! That’s the other thing about Poison Ivy…You have no plausible deniability. If you’re under her spell, that means you just got caught making out with a green woman who ISN’T She-Hulk. She’s still ridiculously hot for all her greenness, though.
When I said the Professor gets the pussy, I totally meant something else.
On the “not green” side of the ledger, there’s Professor Charles Xavier, or leader/founder of the X-Men, Professor X. Apparently his mutant ability early in the comics was to get his ass kicked right out of his wheelchair, and then psychically call for the team “To me, my X-Men.” Kinda lame, really. Sooner or later, the writers figured out that they might need to do more with “the world’s most powerful telepath”. So, they did, turning him into an occasionally absent powerhouse who very nearly killed most of the Marvel Universe when he got a hard-on for the wrong girl. More on that in a second. My favorite appearance of his would have to be during the giant X-crossover “Fatal Attractions”, when Professor X decided he’s simply had enough of archvillain Magneto’s shit. When Magneto crashes Illyana Rasputin’s funeral, Professor X grabs him, commandeers his power, and drives Magneto into the upper atmosphere. Later in the story, he completely wiped Magneto’s mind, turning him into a vegetable. It set the stage for possibly the single greatest threat the Marvel Universe had faced. You see, what was left of Magneto fused with the worst parts of Charles Xavier’s brain…including one part that totally had the hots for Jean Grey. Ewwww! This fused being became Onslaught, a villain that bitchslapped the Hulk just for looking at him the wrong way. Fascinating stuff, but Charles, for a bald guy in a wheelchair, gets the girls. Be it the famous mutant doctor Moira McTaggert, or the Queen of the Shi’ar Lilandra, Charles pulls the tail. I’m guessing his ability to manipulate minds might have something to do with it. But in a sexy way…not a date rape kind of way at all!
Tags: Man, Nerd, Poison Ivy, Professor X, Woman
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