Postmodern Metahumans: The Mythbusters EditionFriday, April 9th, 2010
You don’t have to look around here very long to understand that I’m a huge Mythbusters fan. Indeed, besides my little love note to Malcolm McDowell, the two next highest attention gathering articles I’ve written here have been Chuck Norris vs Grant Imahara and some rules for a Mythbusters drinking game. This being self declared Superhero month, however, I’ve decided that today, I’m going to inject some of my favorite comics characters into one of my favorite shows. I ran into a problem however. Find out what it was after the jump.
People who work with machines and science rarely become superheroes in the comics. That’s just the sad truth. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen (The Atom, The Flash, The Hulk, etc) And, the Mythbusters…well, a couple of them at least, look like they are all one industrial accident away from trying to kidnap the mayor of Gotham City. So, that’s what I went with here. Next week, look for a group of superheroes to be put together, in just this fashion, to take on this supervillain team in a metabrawl! I’m not even going to hint about what shows I’m pulling them from either. So, let’s get started, shall we. In credit order from the show:
1. Adam Savage/The Creeper – What’s that you say? The Creeper is a good guy? True…but he hasn’t always been that way. He’s batshit crazy (heh), and his origin has been played around with so much that you don’t quite know what you’re seeing when he shows up. Just like Adam Savage! I’m partial to the DC Animated Universe’s origin of him myself. A TV reporter gets knocked into a vat of chemicals not unlike the accident that created The Joker, goes insane and begins to pester the world. His superpowers seem to include surviving things that would kill most people, bouncing off the walls like a madman, and annoying the absolute shit out of the people around him. Yeah…I think I’ve made a pretty good match here. Can’t you just see it?! I can!
2. Jamie Hyneman/Doctor Octopus – Just imagine it. Jamie Hyneman building a super strong rig of multiple arms, crashing his way through the night to fight a superhero…moustache twitching in anticipation! The usually reserved, coldly calculating Doc Ock has always been one of my favorite supervillains, and I think he fits Jamie to a tee. I can see Jamie going insane while remaining stoic, building a completely unweildly rig of arms to accomplish things he cannot, but making it work. Making it practical. And, of course, he’d be the only one of the group strong enough to carry the damn things around. I can see Jamie picking up Adam with his multiple metal arms and hurling him into the closest wall (Not at M5, of course, because he doesn’t want to clean THAT up!) while saying “Jamie want big boom!”. Can’t you just see it?! I can!
3. Grant Imahara/Toyman – Conventional wisdom would say for me to choose Robot Master from Spider-Man for Grant, but I just can’t pick an ancient, humorless man for him. I’m going with Toyman, especially the version from Superman: The Animated Series and Justice League Unlimited. Sure, he’s on the creepy side, but look at some of the things he does! He beats the crap out of Killer Frost (a woman with super ice powers…not unlike my grandmother’s deep freeze she keeps in the garage)with a yo-yo of all things! He menaces Lois Lane and Superman with a giant robotic Tyrannosaurus Rex (Oh yeah…that’s Grant all over!), and he takes out 6 Parademons in JLU’s last episode with a Nerf Gun! Unlike Grant, he’s creepy, but like Grant, he’s oddly dangerous in an almost childlike way. And, he likes his toys! Can’t you just see it?! I can!
4. Tory Belleci/The Shocker – Yeah, I had a hard time with this, so I went with one of my favorite Spider-Man bad guys with the most suggestive name I could think of: The Shocker! Sure, in these later years, he’s kinda been turned into a joke, but earlier on, whenever Spider-Man came up against him, he was always careful. Why? Well, unlike most of Spider-Man’s villains, The Shocker would learn from his mistakes, and reconfigure his equipment for the next round. Look at it this way…have you seen Tory try to ramp a bike over a wagon anymore? No! Plus, Tory seems to always be getting shocked on Mythbusters, through his own design or not. I say, one more hit with the stun gun for Mr. Belleci, and you have a rage-filled supervillain on your hands! Plus…I can totally see Tory hitting someone with a bolt of electricity and then throwing up the hand signal for…THE SHOCKER! Can’t you just see it?! I can!
5. Kari Byron/Harley Quinn – Sure, I wanted to go with a supervillain with red hair, but really, what do you got? Poison Ivy? Giganta? They don’t really fit the Kari Byron bill. Plus, Kari’s love of big guns has been made pretty clear on Mythbusters, so, why not a gun weilding psychopath for the part? Why not Harley Quinn?! I can hear you thinking (I can, you know…so be careful) that Harley is nothing more than The Joker’s girl Friday. Not so, I say. She’s formidable enough that Batman gives her a wide berth when he can. That’s a big enough endorsement for me. Also, Harley beat the stuffing out of Catwoman in Hush (the single best Batman story of all time…take THAT Dark Knight Returns!) so she’s dangerous enough for the part. Plus, how good would Kari look in that harlequin getup? Sorry to have gone there, but, it’s true! I can just imagine that on the show, they give her a gun big enough to drive her crazy (in the best possible way, of course), and then she puts on the costume (made herself, of course), and begins menacing heavily populated areas! Look out, San Francisco! Can’t you just see it?! I can!
Now, clearly, I’ve taken some liberties here, but just wait until you get the whole picture. Next week, we’ll meet the superteam that hopes to take down this hive of scum and villainy! (To the Mythbusters…I don’t think you’re scum or villains…well, not most of you, but I was just trying to write something funny! Don’t sue me, or then we’ll be introduced to the worst villains ever. Lawyers.)
See you next week!