ManWithPez

What the hell are you people doing?

I just don’t get people as a whole.  It’s true.  But, today, I’m going to take a look at ten groups that I really, really don’t get.  That’s not to say that I shouldn’t be included in at least one of these groups.  I guess, when all is said and done, I don’t really understand myself, either.  I don’t doubt that something in this list will piss people off, and I’ll lose one of my six readers (Hey ex-principal Reed!), but frankly, I think pouring my brain out my help me figure a thing or two out.  Ten Groups I Just DO NOT GET after the jump.

Beer and radio. Nothing wrong there!

10.  Technology Fans Who Hate The Past – You’ve got a bright, shiny new toy, I get that.  And, I’m not talking about upgrading technology, but rather, storytelling.  More often than not, these people will say that no good movies were made before they were born, or later.  No music exists that’s worth listening to if it isn’t on the radio RIGHT NOW…not that these people listen to actual radio…That’s too old fashioned.  They don’t have a home phone land line, and if you want to reach them, the best way isn’t face to face, but through they’re cell phone.  They think a movie is bad unless it’s covered in computer generated imagery.  I think I’m making myself clear here.  I realize that saying this is going to date me, but, trust me…an old black and white movie ISN’T GOING TO KILL YOU!  Simply because something comes from the past, doesn’t make it stupid or worthless!  Try listening to a good Old Time Radio Show (Much like today’s TV, there was plenty of shit out there, so you have to find a good one.)  Turner Classic Movies is NOT your enemy.  Because you’re caught up in today’s world doesn’t mean yesterday’s has nothing to offer.  Check it out.  But, you won’t.  And, that’s why I don’t understand you.

Yeah...that makes sense.

9.  Fundamentalists – People whose beliefs run so deep as to exclude almost any other form of thought.  I don’t get you!  Are you so narrowminded as to believe that your answers are the only answers in the world?  Hmmm…I guess you are, huh?  I’m not just talking about any one belief or belief system here.  I’m talking religion, politics, sexual orientation, Elvis vs Beatles, Marvel vs DC, Coke vs Pepsi…the works.  And, I’m not talking about any one side of these issues.  Even if you’re on the side of right in an argument, you have to keep your mind open enough to understand that not everyone thinks as you do, no matter how fucking stupid they are.  Because they don’t think like you doesn’t make them wrong on subjective issues.  Everyone’s right from a certain point of view.  They’re just not easily understood by everyone else. (Edit to add:  Atheists and Agnostics, for people who don’t believe, or believe in nothing, you guys tend to be pretty vocal.  Quit stirring things up!  You’re as bad as the Bible-thumping TurboChristians!)

See...this is a good time to stop spending!

8.  People Living Beyond Their Means – What the hell are you doing?  Then again, if you could express it, I guess I would understand you.  But, seriously?  You know what you’re bringing in, and you know what can go out.  If what’s going out is more than what you’re bringing in, you need to stop putting out (heh.)  It’s simple mathematics.  I know you want a Maserati and an 8ball and a good driving hooker, but you can’t have these things unless you can afford them.  I’ve seen it over and over again, and I keep seeing it.  Look…if you’re struggling to feed your kids, you don’t get to go to Disneyworld this year, and that’s the end of the discussion. 

Yes...pin all your hopes on him, so that you can all share his failure!

7.  Angry Sport Parents – Settle down, damn it!  Can’t you watch your kids play ball without foaming at the mouth?   Personally, I love watching videos of parents losing it at children’s sports competitions.  Do these people not seem incredibly stupid to you?  They do to me!  Even if a ref or an umpire made a bad call, keep your seat, please.  There’s no need to storm the field like you’re on the set of Braveheart and try to cleave someone’s head with a Claymore!  I wonder if the people involved in such things go on YouTube to see their behavior and still think they’re justified?   Look, I’m not talking about rushing the place if your child is in danger…that’s totally understandable.  But starting a riot over a ball just outside the strike zone is overkill, and in this media age, you WILL be recorded acting like a viking at a Little League game.  See you on the news!  Oh, and lay off your damn kids, too!  If you couldn’t get a home run when you were a kid, don’t badger your kid about it!

This cat serves at the door to hell. Which is it's smelly ass litterbox.

6.  Cat Lovers – I want you to look at your “pet”.  You don’t have a pet.  You have a self important lesser demon living with you, I don’t care how affectionate the damn thing is.  I realize that there are affectionate cats out there.  I’ve seen them.  Hell, I’ve owned them.  But, nine times out of ten, that’s not the case.  Crazy cat ladies, you’re excused.  You know what you’re getting into, and that’s fine.  Knock yourself out.  Frankly, if I wanted something haughty that wouldn’t listen to me, and I only saw movement from when I fed it, I’d adopt a surly adolescent person.  And, that’s what cats remind me of.  And, the age old argument that cats are smarter than dogs holds no water with me.  Sure, cats are smart, but when do they demonstrate it?  Finding new ways to destroy your house, or new ways to harrass your other pets.  I’ll take Sea Monkeys, thanks.

Damn kid! Get off my lawn! Oh, wait...you're okay!

5.  Young People – Damn kids!  GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!  I’ve read article after article about how younger generations are smarter than the generation preceding them.  That’s great!  Let’s see them exercise it, already?!  I’m not just talking about fashion, here, okay.  I understand the fad and it’s appeal to younger people.  I wore shit when I was a kid that made my parents want to throw up.   Perhaps I’ve forgotten that as I’ve gotten older.  But, I look at these kids now, and I just do not get it.  If you want to wear a hat, put the goddamn thing on right!  The only reason a teenager needs a fucking cell phone is when they’re old enough to head out on their own!  PULL UP YOUR PANTS!   I’ll lay off music (if you can call it that), because that’s an age old argument that won’t be settled here.  It’s simply a matter of taste.  I guess all of my problems concerning younger people are just that…a matter of aging tastes.  Doesn’t mean that I understand kids any more than I’ve claimed to here, though.  And, I’ll take a swing at any one of them with my cane if they get too close to me.

Words fail me.

4.  Twilight Fans – Ah…you knew it was coming, right?   Look, I’m all for a book or set of books that gets people to read.  That’s great!  But, Goddamnit!  Look at what you’re reading?  Look at what you’re fawning over?!  You follow this girl in this passive aggressive relationship that is based solely on the principle that they’re together as long as he can fight the temptation to KILL HER!  I’ve read part of one of the books.  Then I took a shower and thoroughly washed my eyeballs.  To this day, they remain unclean…so unclean.  The books are not well written, and the movies are laughably bad, with some of the worst dialogue and acting I’ve ever seen.  So, WHY?  Why do hordes of women of varying ages cling to this so tightly?  To quote my mother, after she saw New Moon “That was complete and utter shit.”  And now, I’ve made myself nauseated even talking about it for this long.  Enjoy your crap books and films, ladies…I’ll be in the corner, not understanding you as fans. (Not as women…That’s coming later.)

Settle down, buddy. It's not that bad, I assure you.

3.   Angry People – Sure, we all get a little mad sometimes, and to be fair, I’ve not seen much of this phenomenon outside of the military.  Why are there people who, for no outside reason, are just pissed off all the fucking time?  I know I come off that way, but I’m not really angry nonstop.  Is your life so bad that you hate everyone?  That’s not been the case when I’ve encountered this.  In fact, most of the people I know who act like this have things pretty good.  They’re just…MAD!  Everyone gets mad at some time.  That’s just the way things are.  For some normal people, that can be a couple of times a day.  I’m talking about hate filled, bilious people who have only that mode going on.  Stop, angry person.  Stop yelling and trying to destroy all those around you!  Sit down.  Have a Little Debbie.  Take a deep breath, and come back to us when you’re no longer homicidal!  Okay?  More like as not, however, these people resent that you say they’re overly angry.  Fuck em, I say, and move on.  Like I’m doing here.    

Yeah. All you on the globe. I don't get you.

2.  People In General – Hey…how you doing?  Look, I don’t understand you, and you don’t understand me, and I’m okay with that.  People, as a group, I just don’t understand.  I don’t think I’m made to understand them.  A person, sure, for the most part.  You can see their motivation, speak to them as to why they do what they do, what they like, who’d they screw.   But, a crowd?  The population as a whole?  I think that because I don’t understand folks may be why I wrote this piece in the first place.  Bush jr for two terms?  Paul Blart:  Mall Cop as the number one movie?  Pepsi over RC?  I don’t get it.  And, that’s the rub.  Because I don’t get them, they won’t get me.  I’ve come to terms with it long ago, and because I don’t understand almost any group, that doesn’t mean I can’t get along with you.  Except the Twilight Lovers.  Ugh.  No, I’m kidding.  You get in where you fit in.  That’s what I’m doing, and I’m a happier person for it.

I don't know what they're cheering for, but I bet it would scare me.

1.  Women – Could there have been any other group, when you started reading this, that would occupy the number one spot?   Only, this time, I’m at peace with not understanding this group.  And, it has nothing to do with feminine mystique, or intuition, or any bullshit that can be concocted to explain some of the batshit things women do.   Personally, I think women are awesome BECAUSE they’re so unpredictable.  Yes, I’m making generalizations here.  But, it seems to me that say…liking something one day, and then turning around and hating it the next is slightly unexplainable, no matter what logic you apply.  I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m just saying I don’t understand it.  And, past a certain point, I don’t want to.  In a group as diverse as this, you can’t single out anyone trait to speak on, but you know where I’m coming from.  What I do find odd, is that you almost never see women saying that they don’t understand men.  They don’t understand us any better than we understand them, but they’ve got the smarts to simply not state it out loud (and I’m not talking about bullshit articles in women’s magazines).  I’m not trying to spark off a debate over which group is better.  I don’t think either has the upper hand, and that’s the way I like it.  All I’m saying is that I don’t get it.  I’ll never get it.  I’m okay with IT, whatever IT is.   

So, here’s a post describing my ignorance in massive detail.  Groups of people I don’t understand, and in some cases, I don’t want to understand.  Doesn’t make them wrong, and I can’t say I’m right, because I’ve already stated that I don’t get it.  I’m also not trying to start any fights, as I’ve already said on this site, I’m a lover, not a fighter. (Honestly, I’m not proficient at either, but I claim lover on my taxes, so that’s what I’m going with.)  And, there’s not much to get riled up over on here.  No, I don’t like cats, or Twilight, or unexplained rage, but I also don’t understand those things, and that’s all I’m saying.  So, read, relax, and then forget about it.  I already have!

Tags: Groups, List

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 24th, 2010 at 2:52 pm and is filed under Top Ten. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.