Ten New Ways to Annoy People: Bonus Point Roundup!
Tuesday, January 12th, 2010
At least this sign offers preparation. Most people, alas, do not.
Ah, every week, you’d think it’d be harder and harder to come up with ways to annoy the populace at large, and honestly, you’d be right. Then again, I’m easily annoyed myself, so, I always seem to have what I need right at hand. I don’t know that I would actually try any of the stuff I suggest, because most of it, while annoying, will probably land you in jail, for at least a day, if not longer. Never let be said that I said annoying the cops was a good idea. Ten new ways to annoy people after the jump.
1. Move your weekly article on annoyance from Friday to Tuesday. Seems to be working great over here at ManWithPez.
2. During a breathalyzer, when the cop asks you to blow, say “But, I hardly know you!” Enjoy your night in jail.
3. For an entire day, walk around talking like Jabba the Hutt. Bonus points if you do that at a Pizza Hut, and you try to trade on the name, Hutt.
4. Insist you’ve been in porn. When someone watches a porn to see if, in fact, it is you starring, ridicule them for watching porn. This works great in the old folk’s home.
5. Live every day as though it’s your last. You know, alter your last will and testament daily, shop for coffins, eat like a fatass glutton. Make certain your friends and family will be there in case, you know…you actually do drop dead.
6. The next time you’re at church, stop the sermon with this statement. “God has put a bomb in a church. If the church drops below 50 miles per hour, it’ll blow up. What do you do, Pastor? What do you do?” When you get arrested, and you will, explain to the police that you said “Balm”, not “Bomb”. I’m sure they’ll understand.
7. The next time you go to a speed dating session, for every minute that you talk to someone else, try to fit in the plot of your favorite TV shows. Extra points if you can do this with long lasting shows like Gunsmoke, or The Simpsons.
8. Go to a Toys R Us. Walk up to an employee and say “Toys R you, eh? I dunno…you don’t look like much fun, but I guess I’ll take you.” Extra annoyance points for you if you can actually get someone in your car this way.
9. At the drive-thru window at White Castle’s, ask if “this is that place from that one movie.” When they mention Harold and Kumar, say “Who the fuck are Harold and Kumar? I was talking about Star Wars!”
10. Challenge a toddler to a Roshambo. Make absolutely certain you go first.
Posted on January 12th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
Haha! Good stuff.