ManWithPez

It's not fair, there are people who look like him, and I look like me. Sigh.

I would call him America’s favorite smartass, except he’s not American.  He’s a filthy Canadian.  Oh well, at least there’s some type of flaw there!  And, Canada, before you come down here to slit my throat with an ice skate or something, just know this.  I’m not prejudiced of all Canadians.  Just the French ones.  Dirty French-Canadians….you’re just as bad as the real thing, you know!  Anyways, we’ll take a good hard look at Ryan Reynolds’s hard body…of work, you perverts!  Gawd!  Ryan Reynolds after the jump.

I would like to tell you that the first time I noticed Ryan Reynolds was on Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place (Thanks for the stupid fucking title, ABC), but that wouldn’t be the case.  Since the wily show the X-Files liked to shoot up the frozen wasteland of Canada, they would hire Canadian actors to play smaller parts.  Enter Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds in one of the better (And certaily more unpronouncable) episodes of the entire show, Syzygy.  This would be the episode where a cosmic confluence changes the behavior of an entire town, and two little witch girls are able to control things, if they want them bad enough, and want it together.  Scully smokes, and Mulder almost gets laid…but poor Ryan, he just doesn’t survive the affections of the two girls.

Now, we can talk about Two Guys and a Girl!  I just thought it was funny that he was in an X-Files episode, and there was an episode of TGAAG where they were watching The X-Files, and Sharon threatened to rip Berg’s arm off and hit Pete with it if they didn’t shut up.  Clearly, the writers learned early on who to feed the funniest lines to, but, they would be taking something away from this show, which I liked a lot.  Sure, Ryan stole his share of scenes, but, in truth, they all did.  And, was it me, or was I the only one who had a problem with Berg ending up with crazy cat lady Irene from across the hall?  It doesn’t matter, this is about Ryan Reynolds, and damn if he wasn’t just funny as hell in that show.

I usually don't like 'em furry....Aw, who'm I kiddin'. I wish I, as a person, looked half as good as his damn beard!

After TGAAG, he ended up in Van Wilder, a movie which could clearly see that Ryan Reynolds was one of the premiere smartasses of our times.  After that, he joined the medical profession, apparently, (Much like his character in Two Guys and a Girl…that’s not irony, that’s typecasting!)  Okay, he wasn’t a doctor on Scrubs, but his friends were, and in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, he played a nurse who had a hot hypodermic in his pants for Kumar’s brother.  Fun, and funny parts all, but it was in a comic book movie where people, specifically women (and some men) starting paying attention.

Blade:  Trinity, I’m not going to lie to you, was easily the worst of the three Blade movies.  Reynolds’s performance as Hannibal King, however, is one of the few reasons to watch the film.  At first glance it would appear that Mr. Reynolds is simply being himself.  (And, himself was enough to almost come to blows with costar Wesley Snipes)  But, what most people take away from this hot mess of a movie is Hannibal, and how he stood up to a room full of vampires.  With as much sarcasm as possible.

Since the movie credit list is getting out of hand, how about we just go into a few of the better ones…or at least the ones I’ve seen, eh?  Good.  It’s hard to forget the film Waiting, and that’s got little to do with Reynolds’s performance in it.  This movie set off in me, like most people who saw it, a deep seated fear of the food service industry.  It was easy to identify with Reynolds’s role in the film, because who hasn’t been the disillusioned laborer forced to train someone who might take your job someday?  The Nines was…well, it was interesting.  I don’t

Did you think I'd write this and not post a picture of him without a shirt? I don't think he actually owns a shirt.

recommend it, but Ryan’s performance in it was pretty good.  Definitely, Maybe is a movie I can recommend wholeheartedly, as both a divorced father, and a longtime fan of Isla Fisher’s body.  Personally, if you’re looking for a good Ryan Reynolds movie, then you should avoid, at all costs, X-Men Origins:  Wolverine.  It was great casting, as Reynolds plays a the merc with the biggest mouth in the Marvel universe.  And, then, they give him about twenty words to say.  Makes sense to me.  Reynolds made an impression, though, and he has duelling comics movies coming out in 2011.  Deadpool, and Green Lantern.  Yeah, I think we know who’s going to win this matchup.

Whew!  You know, that was harder to write than I thought.  Truth is, whenever I see Ryan Reynolds in a movie, I’m always glad, because I know I’ll get to laugh soon.  He does kinda disgust me.  People who look that good shouldn’t be that funny.  You’re fucking it up for all the rest of the funny people, because most of them are short and dumpy.  Plus, Ryan Reynolds already married Scarlett Johanssen.  You can stop trying so hard, Ryan.  We’ll always love you!

Tags: Man, Nerd

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 17th, 2009 at 10:40 am and is filed under Celebrity, Hot Nerd Mancrush. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.