Alternative Christmas Update: Better Off Dead
Friday, December 11th, 2009
That's not a salad she's making. That's bacon. Yeah, I know. It IS a crime to do that to bacon.
I was thinking that perhaps I left something off my list of Alternative Christmas Movies, and it hit me! The Savage Steve Holland opus Better Off Dead! I loved this movie as a kid, and I still love it! The path of thinking that led me here? What the hell ever happened to Savage Steve Holland? Oh…and John Cusack should make another film with him. Better Off Dead gets its props after the jump.
Better Off Dead tells the awesome story of Lane Meyer (Cusack) who gets unceremoniously dumped by his girlfriend Beth (Amanda Wyss…better known as Freddy Krueger’s first victim Tina!). It’s clear from the start that Lane has some codependency issues. Indeed, all the hangers in his closet have Beth’s picture attached to them. It’s almost creepy. She drops him like a hot rock (or a pop rock, I can never remember) for the ski team varsity member Roy Stalin (Aaron Dozier). Don’t think that name is a mistake. He’s really just as big an asshole as Stalin without all the mass murder. Barely.
Making things harder for Lane are his parents, played by David Ogden Stiers and Kim Darby. Lane’s mother is clearly almost insane, and her cooking is so bad that it A) crawls off the plate (no shit), and B) she gives her family TV dinners for Christmas to compensate. To keep her bacon from getting greasy, she BOILS it. Which apparently turns bacon green. Who knew? Lane’s little brother Badger (Scooter Stevens…No kidding. His name is SCOOTER STEVENS! I couldn’t make that up!) makes various devices from things he gets through the mail, to include a working laser rifle and a miniature space shuttle. And, to top it all off, the neighborhood paperboy (Johnny Tushnet) is very, very adamant about getting paid for his route. “TWO DOLLARS!!!”
Lane’s neighbors have taken in a foreign exchange student from France named Monique (Diane Franklin) who was brought there, it seems to provide Ricky (Head of the Class’s Dan Schneider) a playtoy. She takes a shine to Lane, who, it seems can think of nothing better to do with his Bethless life than to commit suicide. To get Beth back, he challenges Stalin to a race down an impossible mountainface with the following advice from his buddy Charles De Mar (Curtis Armstrong…or, Booger, if you will) : “Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way…turn.” Sound advice for any of life’s obstacles, really. Will Lane figure out that Monique is the better lady? Is this a Hollywood movie? What do you think?
Why would I call this an alternative Christmas movie? Poor Lane’s father, indeed, the most normal person in the film, is forced to wear an anteater coat because it’s a gift from his wife. He also gets a new set of garage windows, as the paperboy, and Lane have destroyed either the widows or the door throughout the movie (Badger gets the last laugh as his space shuttle completely destroys the garage in the end). Bearing in mind that the family lives in California, the heavy coat is actually funny. They also keep a warm crackling fire on the TV. Which they put in the fireplace. The Christmas scene is one of the most memorable scenes from the movie, which is full of memorable scenes. I”m putting the first part from over at Youtube below, and if you follow the recommendations you can find the rest of it. Wonderful film, hilarhious, and if you haven’t seen it, you’re really letting one of the funniest movies ever get away from you.
Also, EG Daily is in the movie. Isn’t that enough of a recommendation? She’s so CUTE!
Tags: Review
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