Ten New Ways to Annoy People #9
Friday, December 4th, 2009
Hory Shit! Gojira!!! Fa ra ra ra ra ra... (Image from Dr. Macaroni @cracked.com)
It would appear that annoying people is a surefire way of gaining fans. I’ve more than a few now, thanks to dispensing new and possibly completely unwanted ways of annoying people. And, coming off the most annoying holiday of the year (barring Super Annoyance Day((patent pending))) Thanksgiving, it’s time I put up a new list that isn’t almost entirely generated by things my family did to me during a visit. Unfortunately for people who hate Christmas (there’s plenty) most of my lists this month will take on a Yule theme. So, here’s ten new ways to annoy people after the jump.
1. Before you head to work one day, complete your business look with the addition of a tutu. Extra points for prancing about. Extra, extra points if you’re a dude.
2. Bring a candy cane on the bus. Suck one end of it until it’s wicked sharp. Stare at the person sitting across from you and remark on how you’ve made a “minty shiv.”
3. Decorate the outside of your house for Christmas in browns and grays. Good luck finding blinking lights in those colors.
4. Dress as an angel and see how many virgins you can convince that they are pregnant, just in time for the holidays.
5. When your children are watching Miracle on 34th Street, tell them that Santa’s not real. When they start to cry, reaffirm that he is real. Five minutes later, tell them he isn’t. Repeat!
6. Go to church on Christmas Eve dressed as the Easter Bunny.
7. Stop and get the autographs of every Mall/Salvation Army Santa you see this year.
8. Buy $100 of merchandise at a Victoria’s Secret. Pay in pennies. That aren’t rolled.
9. Curl up under the Christmas tree behind all the presents, and wait for somone to unwrap you. For this to work, you will need to wear a bow somewhere on your person.
10. Dress as Santa this year. Wear only the belt, the hat, and the boots. Leave everything else as nature intended. (Note…better to stay away from children when you do this one.)
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