ManWithPez

An annoying bird for an annoying holiday.

This list may be a bit different than some in the past.  I’ve spent the whole week away from my girlfriend, away from my children for the most part, and in the company of my parents and siblings.  All those slf deprecating things I’ve said about me being annoying?  I take all that back.  I’m nothing.  I’m an amateur.  These people have stock in trade about how to be annoying, and yes, I’m just a bit bitter about it.   The ten newest ways to annoy people starts now.

1.  The next time you see your friends, get really drunk, hug them a lot, and then leave midsentence to go throw up.  Works really well when you haven’t seen some of them in a really long time.

2.  Pick a fight with a brother, even though you’re both now in your thirties.

3.  When someone cooks for your entire family, make sure you encircle him and yell out advice.  Complaining every ten seconds helps.

4.  If you remember something embarassing that a member of your family did when they were seven, make absolutely certain NO ONE forgets it.  Ever!

5.  When you come into town for a holiday, don’t tell anyone where you are or how to get in touch with you.

6. Take the entire family out to the movies.  Make certain that the only movie that you can see in your allotted time in New Moon.  Watch all the family members without vaginas either leave or cry.

7.  Tell out of town visitors that it’s “kind of cold” where you are.  Laugh when they show up in their heaviest clothes and the temperatures average in the high sixties.

8.  Teach your fiance’s children the “SuperTurkey” song and watch him fill to the brim with rage as his children sing it at least twenty times.

9.  When your nephew puts his alcoholic beverage down for a second, make sure he can see you, pick it up, smell it, take a drink, put it down, and walk off.

10.  Even though you have at least six televisions in your house, for reasons known only to you, unhook all the DVD players, and make certain that sports are on all of them constantly, even though several members of your family don’t watch and don’t care about sports at all.

Yeah, okay, I’m more than a little bitter, but, hey, when it’s over and done, I’ll be able to say, I survived yet another hot family holiday mess.  Also, I included a couple of things that I was guilty of over the last few holidays.  If nothing else, I suppose you could say that it all becomes survivor’s tales.

Tags: List, Nerd

This entry was posted on Friday, November 27th, 2009 at 8:15 am and is filed under Annoyance. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.