ManWithPez

You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like him. He's a loner. A rebel.

Yeah, I made the mistake of asking my family who I should write this column about this week.  This was my brother’s response, and so, here’s Pee-wee vs Chuck.  If I actually write and intelligible article out of this, I’ll be amazed, but even more than that…YOU should be amazed!  Anyways, you know the drill, Chuck Norris is awesome,but the nerds of the world need their champions too.  So…“Paging Mr. Herman, Mr. Herman, you have a fistfight here at the front desk.”  Here’s Pee-wee Herman vs Chuck Norris.

1.  Pee-wee Herman and Chuck Norris were going to fight years ago, but the martial arts tournament they were going to do it in didn’t recognize “Bow Tie-Fu” as a legitimate martial art.  Chuck Norris was seen to sigh in relief.

2.  All the strange talking furniture and creatures on Pee-wee’s Playhouse?  All designed and built by Pee-wee himself.  They have an attack mode as well.  How’d you like to have to fight off Chairy?

3.  The Word of the Day from Pee-wee’s Playhouse is actually a CIA trigger for Pee-wee to begin the hunt for Chuck Norris.  This is the real reason Chuck doesn’t watch Saturday morning programming.

4.  If I ever get a last request before a bar full of bikers kills me, it will be to dance to “Tequila” in platform shoes.  I’m just saying.

5.  Why are these two rivals?  Chuck Norris really, really wanted a cameo in Big-Top Pee-wee.  Pee-wee said “Nope…you’re just too goofy for this movie.”  Chuck never forgave him.  Pee-wee doesn’t care.

6.  Go back and watch Pee-wee’s Big Adventure.  Now tell me, with an honest face, that you don’t want that bike.  That’s what I thought.

7.  Chuck Norris doesn’t want to fight Pee-wee Herman simply because he doesn’t want to get kicked in the face with those platform shoes from the “Tequila” number.

8.  Pee-wee Herman has killed more men than smallpox!

9.  Pee-wee Herman saved the contents of an entire pet store from burning up (Even the snakes!).  Chuck Norris just kicks people in the head.  My money’s on the animal lover.

10.  Pee-wee Herman is the only man to have survived a ride with Large Marge.  Now that’s one hell of a man right there.

 Actually, you know, that wasn’t so bad.  I may have to have Mr. Herman back on Friday Versus.  There’s ten perfectly good reasons why Pee-wee Herman would take Chuck Norris in a fight.  And remember…Tell em’ Large Marge sent ya!

Tags: Chuck Norris, Pee Wee Herman

This entry was posted on Friday, November 27th, 2009 at 8:00 am and is filed under Versus. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.