Hot Nerd Crush #5: Jane Seymour
Monday, November 9th, 2009
That's a big set of...dress! That's what I was going to say!
Ooooh yeah! It’s about high time I had some class round here! No, I’m kidding. All the Hot Nerd Crushes are classy ladies, but, this one, well, she just seems to be a cut above. She’s been a Bond girl, the object of a time traveller’s affections, the paramour of the Phantom of the Opera, and a foulmouthed politico’s wife! Not to mention a medicine woman! Hell, she was even in the original Battlestar Galactica! So, here’s to Jane Seymour, the best woman to turn up in Playboy without actually taking anything off. (DAMN IT!)
When I mentioned that Jane Seymour was going to be Hot Nerd Crush #5 to ThatCostumeGirl, I also mentioned that she was a Bond Girl. In the same breath, I also mentioned that Grace Jones was a Bond Girl, but, as a solemn promise to my six readers out there (Hi Dad!), Grace Jones will never, ever be a Hot Nerd Crush. ThatCostumeGirl’s response was “Yeah, but it was just Solitaire.” She does have a point, mind you. There’s nothing so troubling as a psychic who’s only good at what she does so long as she’s a virgin. Then you throw her up against James Fucking Bond? I’m sorry…have you not seen his other movies? Surviving all that, of course, Jane looks great in Live and Let Die.
Yeah...I'd time travel for that right there.
She was also in the penultimate chick flick that every man loves, Somewhere in Time. Is it me, or did she never look better? The portrait of her that causes Christopher Reeve to journey through time to find her is one of the single most beautiful movie props of all time! Now, Elise McKenna is someone I would learn to travel through time for!
And, for me, she demonstrated fantastic comedic timing in Wedding Crashers. Who can look at her now and not think two things: “Kitty Cat“, and motorboating? I was never more jealous of Owen Wilson in my life! I also never wanted to be an old sailor more!
Ooh...Jane in...ahem...Bondage. HA!
Of course, most people know her from Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, but, for me, she was a bit too moral and upstanding for me to really, really objectify her. Okay, I don’t objectify her…that’s lie, of course I do. She’s f’n gorgeous! But, that was just too much goody two shoes for me to swallow. Now, when I was but a lad, she played a set of twins in the ABC made for TV movie, Dark Mirror! What’s better than one Jane Seymour? Two Jane Seymours, that’s what! And, I remember her applying lipstick at the end of that movie in a truly batshit crazy kind of way, yeah, memorable performance there.
Take her or leave her (I’ll take her, please) Hot Nerd Crush #5: Jane Seymour. Here’s hoping I never see you on Smallville ever again! (You’re too good for it, really!)
Posted on November 10th, 2009 at 1:05 am
Shit, Jane’s still hot. Did you see DWTS? Smoking. When we get to Hollywood, I’ll be all up on that cougar shit.
Posted on November 13th, 2009 at 12:18 am
I’ll tell you this, man…when you get to Hollywood..You’d better not forget me! At least as an archivist. At least, man! Please!?!
Posted on November 13th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
When we make it big, all of our friends’ll be set. I don’t forget a pal, especially one I love having around. We’ll have the nerdiest entourage of all-time!