Stephen Hawking vs. Chuck Norris
Friday, November 6th, 2009
Big pimpin'.
He’s one of the smartest men of our times, is old Stephen Hawking, and puts him firmly in “vs Chuck Norris” territory. After seeing him on The Simpsons…I don’t know. That wheelchair might be an unfair advantage. Then again, it’s Chuck Norris, who clearly has it coming!
1. Exit polls from Chuck Norris movies have shown that people would rather listen to Stephen Hawking’s speech computer than just about anything Chuck has to say.
2. Hawking doesn’t really need the wheelchair. He’s just been ready to pounce for decades. Element of surprise, you know.
3. Chuck Norris tried to roundhouse kick Stephen Hawking, but missed when he did the math wrong. Stephen Hawking never makes math mistakes. Chuck Norris’s funeral will be this weekend.
4. The movie Silver Bullet is actually a dramatization of how Stephen Hawking killed all the werewolves in England. Some details were changed pending notification of next of kin.
5. One of the buttons on Stephen Hawking’s wheelchair computer clearly says “Kill Chuck Norris”.
6. That episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation Stephen Hawking was in demonstrated that Hawking really did beat a centuries advanced android at poker. Because Stephen Hawking actually has a positronic brain.
7. Unknown to everyone, Stephen Hawking can actually create wormholes with his mind. Which is why we haven’t seen Chuck Norris around lately.
8. You know what comic book I’d really love to see? “Stephen Hawking versus Wolverine”. I’m just saying.
9. Chuck Norris tried to read “A Brief History of the Universe” by Stephen Hawking, but he finally discovered a foe he couldn’t beat: Literacy.
10. Stephen Hawking doesn’t really have a wheelchair. It’s actually five sophisticated robots of his own design that combine to form STEPHEN HAWKING’S WHEELCHAIR: DEFENDER OF THE UNIVERSE!
Tags: Chuck Norris
Posted on November 6th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Stephen Hawking forever!