The 10 Newest Ways to Annoy People
Friday, October 23rd, 2009
So annoyed, that he literally ate his words.
I’m a pretty annoying person, as I’ve been told over the years. Why not let that work for me in the way of writing a list to help you, the discerning, internet reading public(discerning enough to come here, anyways) pester and annoy those around you? Ready…Let’s get started!
1. Set up a blind date. Whenever you’re in your car, play the Jermaine Stewart magnum opus “We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off” on an endless loop. That is, until you drop that person off roughly halfway to your first destination.
2. Insist that the local preacher is a werewolf. Shoot bottle rockets at him in church. Aim for the eye.
3. Bring a whoopie cushion to a job interview. Set it on the desk while speaking to potential employers. Ignore all questions about it.
4. Go to the local costume store, and find the bowl where they keep the cheap plastic vampire fangs. Point, weep, and scream “How many vampire babies did you have to kill to get those?!”
5. Call the Jerry Lewis Telethon, and pledge $1,000.00 if he’ll just get the hell off the TV right now.
6. Try to buy a Sno-Cone from the zamboni driver at a hockey game. It only counts if he’s on the ice.
7. This one will only work if you’re a gynecologist or a proctologist. The next time you have a patient on the table for a…uh…”special exam”, sing that creepy tunnel boat ride song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Bonus points if you get as deranged as Gene Wilder did.
8. Personally test all the sneeze guards at the local buffet. During dinner rush.
9. For any questions asked of you in a given day, say “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that my response may incriminate me.” All of the questions.
10. If any religious types knock on your door, immediately open the door and ask “Have you chosen Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?” When they answer yes, say “Then my work is done.” and shut the door in their face.
Posted on October 23rd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
lol. they keep gettin’ better and better. #7 had me lmao. : D
Posted on October 23rd, 2009 at 2:30 pm
My younger brother is a door-to-door missionary. Too bad you don’t live in AZ or he doesn’t serve in OK. I know he would be ROTF if someone do that too him.