ManWithPez

People are annoying by habit.  That’s what makes them human.  Perhaps, though, you can speed the process along.  Let’s take a look, shall we?

1.  Buy five turtles at the local pet store and give them all Renaissance artist’s names.  Except for one.  Revel in being the owner of “Leonardo”, “Donatello”, “Michelangelo”, “Raphael”, and “Dave”.

2.  Go to a Star Wars convention dressed as an accountant.  Plead with the 501st to “Handle their books.”

3.  Train rats to reenact “The Secret of NIMH’ at dinner parties.

4.  Wear a Batman costume to church.

5.  Before Thanksgiving dinner with your family, insist on saying the blessing.  Then, offer a heartfelt prayer to Cthulu.

6.  When your mother begins menopause, wait until she has a hot flash.  Go up to her and ask:  ”Hot enough for ya?”

7.  When you go to a restaurant with friends, put ten percent of your meal in your pocket.  When your friends ask what you’re doing offer the phrase “Tithing, you know.  For God.” as an explanation.

8.  When you go to someone’s house, step over the welcome mat, wipe your feet just inside the door, take your shoes off, and put them on the welcome mat outside.

9.  Warn people in the men’s restroom not to “cross the streams” (Works even better if you’re a woman!)

10.  When someone asks you what time it is because you were the only one with enough foresight to wear a watch, answer with “It’s SLAP O’CLOCK!”.  Then slap them in the face.  Hard.

There ya go!  Ten new ways to annoy the ever-lovin’ shit out those you know and love!  Don’t say I never gave you anything!

Tags: List, Nerd

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 10th, 2009 at 3:34 am and is filed under Internet. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.