Nerd Night Drinking Traditions
Friday, October 9th, 2009
Ooooh baby. You ain't safe.
It’s Friday, I ain’t got no job, and I ain’t got shit to do. So, I think I’ll just get drunk.
Before I do, however, there’s some business to discuss. First off, I can’t drink in an unclean house. I don’t know why this is and I think it might be a hint at a larger psychological problem (as ThatCostumeGirl has guessed). Second, I have to be clean to drink. Again, reason unknown…Though I think it’s that I don’t want to shower after I start drinking and kill my buzz. Next, I try to organize what I might do while hammered, because, shit man, I won’t be able to remember that later! Usually it’s a movie or group of movies, a musical or two (Thank you Dr. Horrible…you’re just the right length! ((That’s what she said))), Guitar Hero, or Halo 3 (with everyone muted…please, if I want to be called names, I’ll just go to a family reunion.)
Next, the fun part. Booze selection. Now, if I’m out at a restaurant, I try to order the gayest looking drink they have. Why? Waiter’s reactions, people around you’s reactions, my fiance’s reaction. Totally worth ordering something that’s blue, with an umbrella in a three foot tall hurricane glass. If I’m at home, I usually start with beer, and more often than not, that’s Michelob Ultra. Hey, I’ll be honest. I’m a fan of utilitarian, lawnmower beers. I drink a lot of beer, so I want something light that will eventually get me drunk.
Hey there, sexy!
If it’s going to be a fun night, we progress from there. Usually to Seagram’s 7 and Coke, usually consumed through a Krazy Straw. Seagram’s might be horrible on its own, but mixed with something, it’s right on time. By this time, I’m usually pretty silly, loud, and slurry. You know…fun! ThatCostumeGirl does a good job of wrangling me, but I’m not a wandering drunk. (And you assholes who do that out there…and you know who you are…shame on you!) The switch to whiskey usually begins the videogame portion of the evening, though not Guitar Hero, because I’ve found a sweet spot between beers 6 and 9 where I play better than I do sober. After that, it’s strictly shooting 12 yr olds on Halo, or crooning at my TV. If ThatCostumeGirl is lucky, I won’t break out the two costumes I have from musicals: Dr. Horrible or Seymour Krelborn complete with puppet plant. Unfortunately, she’s not that lucky in this regard.
After this, I will continue to drink myself stupid after putting in a movie I have no intentions of finishing. It’ll be like “HEYYY!! I’bn habbn’t seen thissss pieceashit in a whale!” Yeah..that’s about how it’ll sound too. So..sorry The Island, looks like you’ll be fell asleep on tonight. After I fall out, ThatCostumeGirl will guide me back to bed where I’ll get up in the morning completely confused as to how I got there, let alone where my last costume went.
The next morning, I’ll get up, shake my head shamedly at the empties sitting around, throw them away, and fix breakfast in lieu of apology. In a fit of shame and self-loathing, I’ll finish the movie I started watching the night before, no matter how bad it is. (Why do I want to watch The Island so much when I’m drunk…Well, I guess it’s a fitting punishment.)
And then I say “I’ve got to stop doing this.” So, you know…next week, there’s that litle bit of guilt when I do it again!
And, there’s my typical Friday night drunken geek out. Don’t act like you don’t throw on costumes when you’re drunk!!!
Posted on October 10th, 2009 at 2:29 am
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